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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v. 160 v.69

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 160 v. 69
It is said that one of the best ways to bring different age groups and cultures together is through music. I personally believe that the core idea behind making music is to make bonds among people, regardless of their age and culture. Music is the universal language with which deep mental feelings are expressed. While it is true that one of the factors differentiating cultures from each other is their language aspect, emotions that human beings experience is similar the world over. It is by virtue of music that different nations are able to share their invisible emotions to one another, although the language barrier may cause difficulty in understanding what they sing. Michael Jackson, for instance, was a well-known American music composer who is admired in every corner of this globe. His romantic songs are greatly appreciated in non-English-speaking countries, namely Germany and Iran, solely because he had communicated his message of love through them. Thus, music as a communication tool can help with lifting cultural boundaries. Furthermore, exposure to music is high in possibility for different demographics in the society due to its omnipresence. Whether they are in an elevator or on a sofa listening to the news, or even in a restaurant having a delicious meal, people are constantly listening to music from which they derive pleasure. Since, unlike robots, humans are willing to share their feelings, they invite others to join what is affecting them. Singing a happy birthday song shows to be a perfect example. Once a person starts singing the song, every present audience would instantly do the same to be a part of enjoyment, no matter of what age they might be. That is exactly what happens in events which draw huge crowds like concerts and music festivals. The age gap disappears as a result of the additional dimension which music brings with it. In conclusion, having considered the mentioned argument, music is an inseparable part of human life. Should we transcend cultural barriers and age differences, it can assist us with accomplishing such end.
It
is said
that one of the best ways to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups and cultures together is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
personally
believe that the core
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
behind making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bonds among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and culture.

Music is the universal language with which deep mental feelings
are expressed
. While it is true that one of the factors differentiating cultures from each other is their language aspect, emotions that human beings experience is similar the world over. It is by virtue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations are able to share their invisible emotions to one another, although the language barrier may cause difficulty in understanding what they sing. Michael Jackson,
for instance
, was a well-known American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
composer who
is admired
in every corner of this globe. His romantic songs are
greatly
appreciated in non-English-speaking countries,
namely
Germany and Iran,
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had communicated his message of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
through them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a communication tool can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with lifting cultural boundaries.

Furthermore
, exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is high in possibility for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
demographics in the society due to its omnipresence. Whether they are in an elevator or on a sofa listening to the news, or even in a restaurant having a delicious meal,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
constantly
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from which they derive pleasure. Since, unlike robots, humans are willing to share their feelings, they invite others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
what is affecting them. Singing a happy birthday song
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
to be a perfect example. Once a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
singing the song, every present audience would
instantly
do the same to be a part of enjoyment, no matter of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they might be.
That is
exactly what happens in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which draw huge crowds like concerts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gap disappears
as a result
of the additional dimension which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings with it.

In conclusion
, having considered the mentioned argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an inseparable part of human life. Should we transcend cultural barriers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
differences, it can assist us with accomplishing such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 160 v. 69

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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