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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v. 158 v.67

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 158 v. 67
The idea that, music really is not only able to bridge the generation gap, but also connects people who do not have the same cultural background remains a source of controversy. While there is a plethora of opinions which resist this notion, I opine completely agree this idea. My twofold essay will analyse this point of view in details. Initially, I believe that the generational barriers might be disappeared through immortal songs and reputable artists. Firstly, if two people who have different age could share a similarity of interests in songs, their relationship might become closer by this everlasting connection. According to an article of the Vietnam Express Magazine, which point out that having a lot in common of songs could lift the relationship among peoples to levels of intimacy. Besides, a various of music celebrations have build-up their fan club with a wonderful bond of communication, in which there is a great of people of other generations. Son Tung MPT with his fan club called Sky Team perfectly exemplifies this notion. This group usually organizes some dynamic events to help cement the relationship of members as well as present their admiration to Son Tung. Moreover, music does help cultures relate through universal, human perspectives. There is an undeniable truth that music can alleviate cultural barriers by broadening people’s horizon to welcome various cultures over the worlds. Obviously, a ubiquitous song might potentially help people, including those who come from other nations gain knowledge about cultural feature of composer through its insight writing, harmonious melody. Furthermore, although people might not understand another culture they can still accept the messages of the music. Michel Jackson with his catchy song named Our Earth Song, for instance, have received sympathies of many people over the words and its message is environmental protection that definitely was translated across cultural divides. In conclusion, although there is a great deal of perspectives about the impact of music on human societies, it is true that music’s universality might eradicate the generation gap and cultural barriers.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
really
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to bridge the generation gap,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background remains a source of controversy. While there is a plethora of opinions which resist this notion, I opine completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. My twofold essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this point of view in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Initially
, I believe that the generational barriers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be disappeared
through immortal songs and reputable artists.
Firstly
, if two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age could share a similarity of interests in songs, their relationship
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become closer by this everlasting connection. According to an article of the Vietnam Express Magazine, which point out that having a lot in common of songs could lift the relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
to levels of intimacy.
Besides
,
The phrase 'a various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a various of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
celebrations have build-up their fan club with a wonderful bond of communication, in which there is a great of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of other generations. Son
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tung
MPT with his fan club called Sky Team
perfectly
exemplifies this notion. This group
usually
organizes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dynamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cement the relationship of members
as well
as present their admiration to Son
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tung
.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cultures relate through universal, human perspectives. There is an undeniable truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
barriers by broadening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
horizon to welcome various cultures over the worlds.
Obviously
, a ubiquitous song
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from other nations gain knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
feature of composer through its insight writing, harmonious melody.
Furthermore
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not understand another culture they can
still
accept the messages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Michel Jackson with his catchy song named Our Earth Song,
for instance
, have received sympathies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over the words and its message is environmental protection that definitely
was translated
across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
divides.

In conclusion
, although there is a great deal of
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on human societies, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music’s
universality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
eradicate the generation gap and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
barriers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 158 v. 67

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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