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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v. 152 v.61

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 152 v. 61
Over the past few decades, various types of music have become increasingly popular for recent years in particular. There is a thought that one of a good way to bring people from diverse background together is music. I strongly agree with this because this such a type of arts has become a big part of the world community. Firstly, the language barrier may not take place in the taste of melody, it depends on personal character and feeling to enjoy any kind of that. Also, the performance of the artists that once appeared in the sight of the audience is one large factor. In the present days, music is not sorted by what language it is written in. Actually, people separate types of music by their melody and rhythm. For example, nowadays concerts such as Korean pop music festival are held around the world. The oversea fans in the United States, China, and Europe are now connected by these tours. Therefore, music can possibly bring people in each continent together without the need of lyric translation. Moreover, our world has become widely connected by the technology known as the internet. Social media plays a vital role in that development of technology. To be specific, songs are now available online on YouTube or any other social networks. The approach of a band is now becoming at ease, it is just on your fingertip. Unlikely in the previous centuries, every reach to their favourite band was difficult when the internet had never been involved. Additionally, social network provides a space which will allow persons with the similar taste of tune from any place to gather. Therefore, music has been a great choice of bringing people from diverse culture and ages together. In conclusion, this essay argued on whether music is a good way to gather people from different background. The is clear evidence that language and distance do not get involved in modern society music. Furthermore, the ease that the internet provides leads to the more convenience each individual would have. I strongly believe that music has truly become the best choice of gathering people.
Over the past few decades, various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
increasingly
popular for recent years
in particular
. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that one of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse background together is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this such a type of arts has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of the world community.

Firstly
, the language barrier may not take place in the taste of melody, it depends on personal character and feeling to enjoy any kind of that.
Also
, the performance of the artists that once appeared in the sight of the audience is one large factor. In the present days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not sorted by what language it
is written
in. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
separate types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by their melody and rhythm.
For example
, nowadays concerts such as Korean pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festival
are held
around the world. The oversea fans in the United States, China, and Europe are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
connected by these tours.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
possibly
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in each continent together without the need of lyric translation.

Moreover
, our world has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
widely
connected by the technology known as the internet. Social media plays a vital role in that development of technology. To be specific, songs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available online on YouTube or any other social networks. The approach of a band is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on your fingertip. Unlikely in the previous centuries, every reach to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
band was difficult when the internet had never
been involved
.
Additionally
, social network provides a space which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
persons with the similar taste of tune from any place to gather.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has been a great choice of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from diverse culture and ages together.

In conclusion
, this essay argued on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background. The is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence that language and distance do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in modern society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
that the internet provides leads to the more convenience each individual would have. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the best choice of gathering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 152 v. 61

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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