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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v. 148 v.57

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 148 v. 57
Music is good for mind, body and soul for a person. It can bring joy and sad at the same moment with a different person. In my opinion, it can be played in every occasion where age and culture doesn't matter to anyone. I observed that music can help a person to forget about his sorrow when he was in the vulnerable moment. For example, when a person dies, his loved one will remember him the most and music helps to forget the pain and it gives him the company in his lonely time. It helps him to remember their previous time when they were together. However, we are surrounded by different types of cultures and people and music varies from person to person and also culture to culture. If there is a good taste of music and good people, no one can differentiate them. Such as young people like hard rock music when they go to clubs or pub to party and also they like some slow motion music when they are with their partner. It also happens with adults and older people. On the other hand, some people disagree because there are restrictions in some religion. Like, in Islam, it is haram for people to listen or sing or play any instruments. Furthermore, most adults or old people do not like to listen because they think there is only one type of music exists in the world and that is hard rock or pop musics. In conclusion, I would like to say that music cannot be old or new. It is made for bringing the closed ones near to our heart.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for mind, body and soul for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. It can bring joy and sad at the same moment with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. In my opinion, it can
be played
in every occasion where age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
doesn't matter to anyone.

I observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to forget about his sorrow when he was in the vulnerable moment.
For example
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
, his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one will remember him the most and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to forget the pain and it gives him the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in his lonely time. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to remember their previous time when they were together.
However
, we
are surrounded
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
varies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, no one can differentiate them. Such as young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they go to clubs or pub to party and
also
they like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
slow motion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they are with their partner. It
also
happens with adults and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are restrictions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
religion. Like, in Islam, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
haram
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to listen or sing or play any instruments.
Furthermore
, most adults or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to listen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
exists in the world and
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
rock or pop musics.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or new. It
is made
for bringing the closed ones near to our heart.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 148 v. 57

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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