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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.54

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 54
Online tutorials are becoming increasingly common. Recent trend shows that, there are increasing number of students registering for online courses provided by the universities. People who cannot pay costly tuition fees and residing in different parts of the world can register for these courses and continue their studies. However, students might miss the motivation and traditional way of learning. In my opinion, e-learning offers numerous advantages, despite having some drawbacks. E-Learners, might not have the seriousness in studies that every student needs. Since there are no strict timelines and guidelines to be followed, they would lack the enthusiasm to complete the given tasks well within the schedule. Moreover, scope to have face-to-face conversation with teachers, and others who have opted the same course is very minimal, which are very essential to clarify subject related doubts. To exemplify, statistics released by the top 10 universities in India show that only 10 percentage of people complete the online courses in due time, while others cancel their registration in between. Admittedly, big challenge for an individual who opts for the internet based studies is to keep himself determined. Despite the drawbacks, there are numerous advantages. Firstly, any person who has a willingness to learn can register for university driven online courses, irrespective of age and country. In addition, these courses are so cost effective that even economically poor people can afford it. Also, this will encourage employees to take up correspondence courses which will help them in enhancing their career. For example, my sister, at the age of 45 completed an MBA degree via a website which helped her to get promoted to product manager role. Obviously, web-based learning system has added a whole new dimension to the way we can earn knowledge. E-learning has grown inadvertently over the past few years. Although it has some limitations, people have embraced all the positive factors, it has given to the society. To conclude, while I recognise the possible disadvantages of internet based learning, I believe that it is a positive development overall.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
tutorials are becoming
increasingly
common. Recent trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, there are increasing number of students registering for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provided by the universities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot pay costly tuition fees and residing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world can register for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and continue their studies.
However
, students might miss the motivation and traditional way of learning. In my opinion, e-learning offers numerous advantages, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

E-Learners, might not have the seriousness in studies that every student needs. Since there are no strict timelines and guidelines to
be followed
, they would lack the enthusiasm to complete the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tasks well within the schedule.
Moreover
, scope to have face-to-face conversation with teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have opted the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to clarify subject related doubts. To exemplify, statistics released by the top 10 universities in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in due time, while others cancel their registration in between.
Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge for an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opts for the internet based studies is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself determined.

Despite the drawbacks, there are numerous advantages.
Firstly
, any person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a willingness to learn can register for university driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, irrespective of age and country.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
cost effective that even
economically
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford it.
Also
, this will encourage employees to take up correspondence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in enhancing their career.
For example
, my sister, at the age of 45 completed an MBA degree via a website which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted to product manager role.
Obviously
, web-based learning system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
a whole new dimension to the way we can earn knowledge.

E-learning has grown
inadvertently
over the past few years. Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have embraced all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factors, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the society.
To conclude
, while I
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the possible disadvantages of internet based learning, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
overall
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 54

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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