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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.50

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 50
It is often said that music has the magical power to connect and unite people without any cultural backgrounds or generation barriers. I completely disagree with this and will demonstrate my opinion with two theses: different cultures or ages also like different kinds of music, so they cannot enjoy the same song to unite and be together. Audiences who do not come from one’s country or the same generation will fall in love and be interested in other kinds of rap. Nation affects on its citizens which makes them familiar with some types of rock rather than some. Old and young people are also affected by their life or their period. For instance, I do not like Indian soul or rock, soul because it has a long story or is too noisy. Music fans just enjoy their soul line and feel happy and relaxed when listening to it. Country piece fans unfamiliar or can say that they dislike rock music, some noisy melody instruments or something too fast. For example, I fall in love with country tune and enjoy bolero, but my nephew is a child and he always listens to children’s opera. I have to look after him when his parents go out and also hear his singing, which makes me tired out and stressed, and obsessed anytime my brother asks me to become his babysit. In summary, I insist that the piece is powerful and magical in connecting people, but depending on their melodic style.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that music has the magical power to connect and unite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without any cultural backgrounds or generation barriers. I completely disagree with this and will demonstrate my opinion with two theses:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures or ages
also
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot enjoy the same song to unite and be together.

Audiences who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from one’s country or the same generation will fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
be interested
in other kinds of rap. Nation affects on its citizens which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of rock
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their life or their period.
For instance
, I do not like Indian soul or rock, soul
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a long story or is too noisy.

Music fans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoy their soul line and feel happy and relaxed when listening to it. Country piece fans unfamiliar or can say that they dislike rock music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noisy melody instruments or something too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
For example
, I fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with country tune and enjoy bolero,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my nephew is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
child and
he always listens to children’s opera. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after him when his parents go out and
also
hear his singing, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me tired out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, and obsessed anytime my brother asks me to become his babysit.

In summary, I insist that the piece is powerful and magical in connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depending on their melodic style.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 50

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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