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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 5
Some people say that music is one of the excellent tools to make people closer even though they are different in cultures, ages and languages. However, some people think that it does not close the gap between people. In this essay I will give my opinion regard to the statement. First of all, I personally do not think that piece can close the gap between people. This is because people have different tastes and preferences. For example, elderly people like to listen to their genre of music, they also annoyed by the modern piece such as pop musics produced by many artists like Taylor Swift, Katy Perry and etc. In contrast, people in these days listen to different kind of music. So, I personally feel like song cannot bring people closer to each other. Another reason is that it can also cause some conflict between people. For instance, copyright, which is a serious problem that always occur in the music industries. However, I think it can also reduce the diversity between people even though they have different cultures. For instance, Japan and Korea, they both have different kind of music, but there are also some similarities so they decided to collaborate and produce the program called Produce48. This program is very famous and popular across Asian countries. With this example I think it is possible that music can bring people closer. Nonetheless, music can either close the gap of people or create a conflict between them, but I somehow feel like music can potentially help people to understand each others. Music is a universal language, people can enjoy it without the need to understand the lyrics. They can appreciate the rhytms and melodies. The beauty of music can help people to become closer. To conclude, music is a good tool for people to be close to each others, regardless to who is the owner of music. However, it might also cause some conflicts to certain groups of people, especially when it comes to copyright.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the excellent tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer
even though
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
in cultures, ages and languages.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay I will give my opinion regard to the statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
personally
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that piece can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tastes and preferences.
For example
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to listen to their genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they
also
annoyed by the modern piece such as pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
produced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists like Taylor Swift, Katy Perry
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these days listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
personally
feel like song cannot bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each other. Another reason is that it can
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, copyright, which is a serious problem that always occur in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industries.

However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the diversity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even though
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures.
For instance
, Japan and Korea, they both have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
similarities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they decided to collaborate and produce the program called Produce48. This program is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and popular across Asian countries. With this example I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it is possible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer.

Nonetheless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
the gap of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or create a conflict between them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I somehow feel like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a universal language,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy it without the need to understand the lyrics. They can appreciate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
rhytms
and melodies. The beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become closer.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tool for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
to each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
, regardless to who is the owner of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
However
, it might
also
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflicts to certain groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to copyright.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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