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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.49

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 49
Many people claim that music plays a momentous role in our daily lives. It has broken all barriers of culture and generations and united us together. I totally agree with this point of view for some reasons. On the one hand, there is no doubt to say that music sends humanistic messages to people all over the world. Even though there were many changes in society, music adapting to human perceptions is appreciated in this day and age. To show an example, a song called ‘Heal the world’ composed by Micheal Jackson carrying the message of peace and humanity is still mentioned to raise the awareness of the following generations about moral values. Another song of Michael, which is named ‘Earth song’, inspires and awakens people about the environment being devastated and ultimately what humans suffer - natural disasters. On the other hand, music helps people live in harmony with one another. It doesn't matter who you are or what you are doing. There are no boundaries when it comes to music. So it can be a great asset to make friends with strangers. For example, to break out the monotonous atmosphere at the first meeting, it is a good way to embark on a warm song or hold a musical instrument exchange. And after that, the conversation will become more spontaneous. In summary, none of us can deny the importance of music in our lives and its ability to glue people from a multitude of cultural sectors and ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a momentous role in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It has broken all barriers of culture and generations and united us together. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

On the one hand, there is no doubt to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
humanistic messages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.
Even though
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
adapting to human perceptions
is appreciated
in this day and age. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an example, a song called ‘Heal the world’ composed by Micheal Jackson carrying the message of peace and humanity is
still
mentioned to raise the awareness of the following generations about moral values. Another song of Michael, which
is named
‘Earth song’, inspires and awakens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the environment
being devastated
and
ultimately
what humans suffer
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
natural disasters.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with one another. It doesn't matter who you are or what you are doing. There are no boundaries when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can be a great asset to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with strangers.
For example
, to break out the monotonous atmosphere at the
first
meeting, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to embark on a warm song or hold a musical instrument exchange. And after that, the conversation will become more spontaneous.

In summary, none of us can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and its ability to glue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a multitude of cultural sectors and ages.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 49

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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