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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.46

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion v. 46
Music is a divine gift to the mankind. This mesmerizing attribute is believed by a few individuals that brings diverse demographics and traditions together. I completely agree with this perception and this essay will demonstrate the reasons for this notion. One fundamental reason why music brings various communities together is because music has its own language. In other words, though people hail from a variety of backgrounds, they may like a common music as it touches their soul. In Europe, for instance, people who are from various geographical locations and traditions attend opera, which is classical European music, and there is a lot of demand for the tickets, as every kind of individual tends to reserve the seats. Furthermore, many friendship bonds are formed between people who tend to frequently visit the opera as they share common interest. Therefore, Music, certainly brings people of different origin together. Moreover, It has a power to cover bridges between generations as irrespective of their age, people embrace a heart-touching music. To explain in detail, all family members of different ages hum some old evergreen songs, this enables generations to become psychologically more closer as juniors tend to impress senior members by reciting favourites of their good times. In India, for example, 3 to 5 years children sing Bollywood songs pertaining to the 1960's which are probably of their great grandfathers' times. By this, all generations of family cherish the moment as even such younger generation is able to connect to songs that are close to their heart. Hence, It is undeniable that music brings people of different ages more closer. To conclude, music plays a vital role in bringing people together irrespective of any caste, religion, community and age. I completely agree to this and it is my hope that more and more good music should be Composed and this trend may continue forever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a divine gift to the mankind. This mesmerizing attribute
is believed
by a few individuals that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
diverse demographics and traditions together. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perception and this essay will demonstrate the reasons for this notion.

One fundamental reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
various communities together is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language.
In other words
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hail from a variety of backgrounds, they may like a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it touches their soul. In Europe,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are from various geographical locations and traditions attend opera, which is classical European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
demand for the tickets, as every kind of individual tends to reserve the seats.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friendship bonds
are formed
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to
frequently
visit the opera as they share common interest.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
,
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
origin together.

Moreover
, It has a power to cover bridges between generations as irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
embrace a heart-touching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail, all family members of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
hum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
evergreen songs, this enables generations to become
psychologically
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
as juniors tend to impress senior members by reciting
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
times. In India,
for example
, 3 to 5 years children sing Bollywood songs pertaining to the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1960s".
1960's
which are
probably
of their great grandfathers' times. By this, all generations of family cherish the moment as even such younger generation is able to connect to songs that are close to their heart.
Hence
, It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together irrespective of any caste, religion, community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this and it is my hope that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be Composed
and this trend may continue forever.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion v. 46

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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