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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.43

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 43
It is widely accepted that music is one of the most significant entertainment industry in the world. Some people believe that music can combine people, and then, I completely agree with this opinion. I will discuss with this essay why I agree with that. Firstly, music isn’t only made by the character. Each country has its character, such as English, French or Korean. Moreover, these characters are merely using by communication tool in each country. For example, in Korea, most people talk with each other in Korean, and then, the Japanese are able to converse in Japanese. If I say something to one of Korean or Japanese by using English, they could not understand my words. However, if I play some sorrow music and they listen to my music, they will feel and understand my music. Therefore, I believe that music can beyond the cultural difference. Also, I want to explain that music can also take over the generation gap. I think young people and older people are able to enjoy the same kinds of music. For instance, classical music had composed for a long decade ago, but it has listened from the young generation to the old generation. At this moment, teenage may be listening it at their school; mid-thirty people would listen to the classical music during the work; then, late-fifty or sixty old generations might listen at their living room before taking a nap. Hence, young or old generation enjoys the same genre of music. It means music is an excellent way of bringing people of different ages. In conclusion, I utterly agree with this opinion. Because listening to music does not need the cultural base, and all of the generations can enjoy listening to the same type of music.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the most significant entertainment industry in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and then, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. I will discuss with this essay why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
isn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made by the character. Each country has its character, such as English, French or Korean.

Moreover
, these characters are
merely
using by communication tool in each country.
For example
, in Korea, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talk with each other in Korean, and then, the Japanese are able to converse in Japanese. If I say something to one of Korean or Japanese by using English, they could not understand my words.
However
, if I play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorrow
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
they listen to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they will feel and understand my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can beyond the cultural difference.

Also
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
take over the generation gap. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to enjoy the same kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
, classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
had composed for a long decade ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has listened from the young generation to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation. At this moment, teenage may be listening it at their school; mid-thirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would listen to the classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
during the work; then, late-fifty or sixty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations might listen at their living room
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a nap.
Hence
, young or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation enjoys the same genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an excellent way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages.

In conclusion
, I
utterly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does not need the cultural base, and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
generations can enjoy listening to the same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 43

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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