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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.38

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 38
Some people claim that music has a connective effect on cultures and generations. I completely agree with the statement. Firstly, there are numerous types of music, including traditional tunes of certain lands. This type of music could give an insight into the country's culture and history. For example, a few centuries ago, empires which ruled Europe fought with each other for several reasons. Many soldiers died, and just few could be able to turn their home back, so local songs have been written on wars and sufferings. Therefore, tourists who visited a particular country could feel and sense the era. Moreover, there is a well-known phrase which emphasizes music has no language, and it is universal. Some of the sounds, such as piano and violin, has a relieving impact on individuals. For instance, a person with an entirely different culture than Europeans could enjoy classical music the same as Europeans do. Furthermore, there were distinguished bands in the 70s and 80s such as the Eagles. Those bands have been produced unique rhythms, especially for a specific decade. It is unlikely to reproduce these masterpieces nowadays. Thus, these melodies connect parents to their descendants because most of the teenagers enjoy listening to these famous old-time songs the same as their parents. In conclusion, I firmly believe that music has an enormous impact of bringing people of different cultures and ages together by giving insight about the history of a particular customs, connect people with wordless melodies, and bringing old generation with the young one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a connective effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and generations. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

Firstly
, there are numerous types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, including traditional tunes of certain lands. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could give an insight into the country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history.
For example
, a few centuries ago, empires which ruled Europe fought with each other for several reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
soldiers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few could be able to turn their home back,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
local songs have
been written
on wars and sufferings.
Therefore
, tourists who visited a particular country could feel and sense the era.

Moreover
, there is a well-known phrase which emphasizes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has no language, and it is universal.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
sounds, such as piano and violin, has a relieving impact on individuals.
For instance
, a person with an
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
than Europeans could enjoy classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
the same as Europeans do.

Furthermore
, there
were distinguished
bands in the 70s and 80s such as the Eagles. Those bands have
been produced
unique rhythms,
especially
for a specific decade. It is unlikely to reproduce these masterpieces nowadays.
Thus
, these melodies connect parents to their descendants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
enjoy listening to these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-time songs the same as their parents.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an enormous impact of bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages together by giving insight about the history of a particular
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "custom"?
customs
, connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with wordless melodies, and bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation with the young one.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 38

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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