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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.35

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 35
There is an opinion that music can bring people together from all walk of life. In this regard, I strongly believe that among various media nothing like music has this magic power to gather people of disparate cultures. However, considering the power to gather different generations, the question is whether music has the same impact. Singing national anthem by people from disparate cultures under a single flag, itself, is the most significant proof for my point (is an explicit testimony to my claim). In fact, national anthem as music elicit sentiments of unity and strength among folks like there is an invisible string collected them as a oneness nation. likewise, common emotions between humans can be Interconnected where there is music. Moreover, Back to the one of my memorable experience, I was enjoying Yani concert as a Persian, while the one who was sitting next to me was an Arab and behind me was a Briton with an apparently different cultures. Yet, we never felt estrangement or separation thanks to the magic power of music. Therefore, since, music is an art which is rooted in our common emotions, it can be definitely successful in bringing people from different cultures. On the other hand, although music is preeminent media to gather people with all their differences, there is comparatively less impact for disparate generations. Because as we grew up, some of our special feelings changes. Consequently, we experience different emotions as we age. Accordingly, there are various kinds of music to meet the taste of different ages. For example, in my country, adolescences prefer rock music, and people aged 20 to 40, pop music is their preference. In contrast, classical music is favorite music for the elderly. In fact, the more age difference, the more taste difference, indicating that music is not a particularly decent unifier in terms of generational disparity, for people tend to enjoy the music from their formative years. To conclude, even though music may not succeed in gathering the young and the old, it definitely uses its universality to bring together different cultures. It is especially important at a time when the world appears to be more divided than ever that we find common ground to build cross-cultural relationships upon
There is an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together from all walk of life. In this regard, I
strongly
believe that among various media nothing like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has this magic power to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of disparate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
However
, considering the power to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generations, the question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the same impact.

Singing national anthem by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from disparate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
under a single flag, itself, is the most significant proof for my point (is an explicit testimony to my claim). In fact, national anthem as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
elicit sentiments of unity and strength among folks like there is an invisible string collected them as a oneness nation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
likewise
, common emotions between humans can
be Interconnected
where there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, Back to the one of my memorable experience, I was enjoying
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yani
concert as a Persian, while the one who was sitting
next
to me was an Arab and behind me was a Briton with an
apparently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Yet
, we never felt estrangement or separation thanks to the magic power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
, since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an art which
is rooted
in our common emotions, it can be definitely successful in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures.

On the other hand
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is preeminent media to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with all their differences, there is
comparatively
less impact for disparate generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
as we grew up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our special feelings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Consequently
, we experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
emotions as we age.
Accordingly
, there are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages.
For example
, in my country, adolescences prefer rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 20 to 40, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is their preference.
In contrast
, classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for the elderly. In fact, the more age difference, the more taste difference, indicating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not a
particularly
decent unifier in terms of generational disparity, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their formative years.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
may not succeed in gathering the young and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, it definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
its universality to bring together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. It is
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
at a time when the world appears to be more divided than ever that we find common ground to build cross-cultural relationships
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
upon
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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