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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.34

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 34
Music is sole of life. A vast majority of peoples believe that it plays a vital role in this modern world, when it comes to getting rid of ethnic and age differences. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement and in this essay I will show it with examples. Firstly, music is not only a stress buster, or a relaxing agent, but of late it has proven to play an integral part in connecting different people's around the globe. Take an example of an event named "Tomorrow Land". It is a seven day musical event in which people of different cultures, customs and from different parts come and enjoy together at given place they stay together for the next seven days straight. In addition to this, melody requires no language. Language might not be understood by many, but still the rhythm and passion on which it is built would touch people's soul. Secondly, music can make society blind beyond the ages. Older songs when combined with soothing tones are enjoyed and loved by many youngsters. They are often seemed to hum those old songs. Take for an instance "coke studio" as an example. It's a Pakistani local music-show in which youngsters from this age are asked to sing the songs from an older era. This show recreates the older songs in such a way that these are loved by many people of different ages. In conclusion, music has the power to influence the people to come together under one roof and enjoy together regardless of age and ethnic differences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is sole of life. A vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
believe that it plays a vital role in this modern world, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to getting rid of ethnic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
differences. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
it with examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster, or a relaxing agent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
of late it has proven to play an integral part in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's around the globe. Take an example of an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
named
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Tomorrow Land
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It is a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "seven-day"
seven day
musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures, customs and from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and enjoy together at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
place they stay together for the
next
seven days straight.
In addition
to this, melody requires no language. Language might not
be understood
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
the rhythm and passion on which it
is built
would touch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's soul.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society blind beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. Older songs when combined with soothing tones
are enjoyed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
seemed to hum those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs. Take for an instance
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
coke studio
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
as an example. It's a Pakistani local music-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in which youngsters from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are asked
to sing the songs from an older era. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
recreates the older songs in such a way that these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the power to influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together under one roof and enjoy together regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and ethnic differences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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