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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.33

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 33
Music has been one of the fundamental entertainment since ages. A group of people believes that music can help unite people of various ages and cultures because of its influence among different age groups. In my opinion, I strongly believe that music is the only way to overcome barriers between people and will like to discuss my views. Firstly, the influence music has over different cultures and its popularity and affinity among several age groups made it one of the primary keys in bringing people together. Moreover, the songs played in movies and television shows today is similar across many languages and regions across the world, helping ages of all groups to overcome the barrier of starting a conversation. For instance, a music event conducted by "Tomorrow Land" in Sweden has attracted thousands of people with various backgrounds from different parts of the world. Secondly, unlike sports or any other events where fans of different teams can get into fights due to the outcome of the game. On the other hand, musical events do not have such kind of scenario and people are well aware of the taste of music they are going to listen to. To illustrate, Many "Electronic Dance Music" events conduct around the world is played by several "Disk Jockeys" but the genres played in the event remains same. In conclusion, no matter what the music is played it has many positive points in overcoming the barrier of getting people of several cultures and ages closer together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has been one of the fundamental entertainment since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its influence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to overcome barriers between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and will like to discuss my views.

Firstly
, the influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and its popularity and affinity among several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
made it one of the primary keys in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
Moreover
, the songs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
in movies and television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is similar across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
languages and regions across the world, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
to overcome the barrier of starting a conversation.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
conducted by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Tomorrow Land
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in Sweden has attracted thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various backgrounds from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world.

Secondly
, unlike sports or any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
where fans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
teams can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into fights due to the outcome of the game.
On the other hand
, musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
do not have such kind of scenario and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are well aware of the taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they are going to listen to. To illustrate,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Electronic Dance Music
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
conduct around the world is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
by several
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Disk Jockeys
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the genres
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
remains same.

In conclusion
, no matter what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
played
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points in overcoming the barrier of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of several cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
closer together.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 33

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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