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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.31

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 31
Many people think that music can make people from different cultural and age groups close together. I agree with this idea, although music in some cases cannot cause people friendly to each other. There are some types of music that tear us apart, let alone bring people closer together. People at different ages, often have different tastes of music. It is difficult to bring older people closer to young people with some modern songs that appeal to old people to be a meaningless variety of ‘boy meets girl’. Also, music with offensive words of age, race or sexual discriminations can create cultural, ethnic and political conflicts. However, I think that music can bond people around the world, crossing cultural barriers and age gaps. Firstly, the music is composed to express artist’s experiences of happiness or sadness that listeners tend to connect emotionally to their own and make connections with ones experiencing the same. For example, there many online music videos composed and sang in less common languages that could attract the public attention. Public audiences from different languages and cultures left comments that show their mutual feeling and opinion about the music. Furthermore, many people are connected and share their opinion on social issues when they listen to music that inspire social changes such as equity or against discriminations. In conclusion, music can bring people together no matter what we are. Of course, it is not true in all cases, but I think that music is a good way to create a warm friendship between people of different cultures and ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups close together. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases cannot cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
friendly to each other.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that tear us apart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tastes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It is difficult to bring older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
modern songs that appeal to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be a meaningless variety of ‘boy meets girl’.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with offensive words of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, race or sexual discriminations can create cultural, ethnic and political conflicts.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world, crossing cultural barriers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gaps.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is composed
to express artist’s experiences of happiness or sadness that listeners tend to connect
emotionally
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
connections with ones experiencing the same.
For example
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
videos composed and sang in less common languages that could attract the public attention. Public audiences from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
languages and cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
comments that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their mutual feeling and opinion about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are connected
and share their opinion on social issues when they listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that inspire social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
such as equity or against discriminations.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together no matter what we are.
Of course
, it is not true in all cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to create a warm friendship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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