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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.29

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 29
Music is one of popular entertainment in modern times. In addition, proponents of music lovers often argue that music is a catalyst in bonding different cultures and ages people together. From my perspective, I similarly believe in this statement. One primary reason is that no entering regulation is set in music. This means that there is no boundary in this field to distinguish different nations, races and ages. In this case, people can link to various kinds of people in the world. This concept can be exemplified by video games, such entertainment requires multi-skills and hand-eye coordination but not everyone possess this kind of skills. Therefore, video games can only gather the people who have the same talented. In such circumstance, compare to music, there is no limitation when people walk into this field so it is easier to cater different group of people in music. It might be claimed that different language in music cannot bring people together. Nevertheless, it is indefensible. Most people listening to music is not trying to figure out the meaning of each words, they enjoy in the rhythm of music and feel the feeling that convey by the song. In other word, this means that people gathering together because they share same mood while listening the music. For example, in the carnival, music with a exciting and fast rhythm can make everyone feel pleasant. Meanwhile, they are sharing the same mood which brings them in the gala. In conclusion, I strongly agree that music can enhance the bond between each other no matter the cultures and ages. Without any regulations in music can attract more people to this broad field and enjoy the same feeling they have.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of popular entertainment in modern times.
In addition
, proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lovers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a catalyst in bonding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. From my perspective, I
similarly
believe in this statement.

One primary reason is that no entering regulation
is set
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This means that there is no boundary in this field to distinguish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations, races and ages.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can link to various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world. This concept can
be exemplified
by video games, such entertainment requires multi-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and hand-eye coordination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "possesses", "possessed".
possess
this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, video games can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gather the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the same talented. In such circumstance, compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there is no limitation when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
walk into this field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is easier to cater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in music.

It might
be claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
language in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
cannot bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
Nevertheless
, it is indefensible. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not trying to figure out the meaning of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "word"?
words
, they enjoy in the rhythm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and feel the feeling that convey by the song. In other word, this means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathering together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they share same mood while listening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
, in the carnival,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
exciting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rhythm can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "feels", "felt".
feel
pleasant. Meanwhile, they are sharing the same mood which
The usual collocation for "brings" is "to" not "in" with. Did you mean "brings them to the gala"?
brings them in the gala
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can enhance the bond between each other no matter the cultures and ages. Without any regulations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to this broad field and enjoy the same feeling they have.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 29

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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