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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.25

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion v. 25
Many people claim that music plays an essential role of uniting people regardless of their differences in terms of cultures and ages. Personally, I completely agree with this view. For a variety of reasons, it cannot be denied that music is a powerful social glue connecting people together. Firstly, music can encompass cultural, political, social and even spiritual connections. For example, anthems represent shared nationality which shows residents’ pride about their country. Another example might be songs sung by football team members may increase closeness between them and their fans. Secondly, rhythm in music helps people synch up their brains and coordinate their body movements with others. For instance, when we are at a concert or a music festival, we are not worried about who is standing beside us, but we are there to have the fulfill emotion and to be connected with other audiences. As a result, this will make people feel closer despite of knowing each other or different cultures. In my opinion, life would be such boring and exhausting without music because it is a substance in augmenting our social relationships. For example, people who have the similar state of music can easily be friends via their common favorite songs, artists and bands. This will result in lifelong friendships, and in turn a more stable and happy society. Moreover, music reminds people about the past and connect them with the old generation. Through old songs and lyrics, we can understand more clearly about our grandparents, what they did and what they liked at that time. Consequently, this will make a firm relationship between the generations. In conclusion, I fully believe that music is one of the best ways to connect people in spite of their cultures and ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an essential role of uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their differences in terms of cultures and ages.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

For a variety of reasons, it cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a powerful social glue connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can encompass cultural, political, social and even spiritual connections.
For example
, anthems represent shared nationality which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
residents’ pride about their country. Another example might be songs sung by football team members may increase closeness between them and their fans.
Secondly
, rhythm in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
synch up their brains and coordinate their body movements with others.
For instance
, when we are at a concert or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festival, we are not worried about who is standing beside us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we are there to have
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'fulfill' is correct. If 'fulfill' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the fulfill
emotion and to
be connected
with other audiences.
As a result
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel closer
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
knowing each other or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.

In my opinion, life would be such boring and exhausting without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a substance in augmenting our social relationships.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the similar state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
easily
be friends via their common favorite songs, artists and bands. This will result in lifelong friendships, and in turn a more stable and happy society.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
reminds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the past and connect them with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation. Through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs and lyrics, we can understand more
clearly
about our grandparents, what they did and what they liked at that time.
Consequently
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a firm relationship between the generations.

In conclusion
, I
fully
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the best ways to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their cultures and ages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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