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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinions? v.23

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinions? v. 23
It is urged that music is an effective tool to unite people regardless of their cultural and generation background. This essay agrees with that statement because of the universal message shared through the music that any other way might not have. It will firstly outline in what way music can be an effective tool for uniting people. Then discuss the limitation that music has itself. Music has the power to unite people effectively because of the universal message it has, such as love and peace. These two common topics are what human-being experienced and felt around whatever their background is. For example, The Beatles and Ed Sheeran are two of the most crowded music concerts that brings together people across the globe, mainly talks about love and peace. However, not all music shares a mutually inclusive connection for its listeners. A few of them are also sometimes spread racism and shaming lyric that forces the listeners to not respect diversity. For example, just recently a famous singer in one of the Asian countries is reported by the mass public to spread racism from their second album. In conclusion, despite there's a limitation as mentioned above, most of the music that we are listening to now is still content with the good message at the heart. This would be the right tool to unite all people regardless of their cultures and ages together.
It
is urged
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective tool to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their cultural and generation background. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the universal message shared through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that any other way might not have. It will
firstly
outline in what way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be an effective tool for uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then discuss the limitation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has itself.

Music has the power to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
effectively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the universal message it has, such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and peace. These two common topics are what human-
being experienced
and felt around whatever their background is.
For example
, The Beatles and Ed Sheeran are two of the most crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concerts that brings together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe,
mainly
talks about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and peace.

However
, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
shares a
mutually
inclusive connection for its listeners. A few of them are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
spread racism and shaming lyric that forces the listeners to not respect diversity.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
recently a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in one of the Asian countries
is reported
by the mass public to spread racism from their second album.

In conclusion
, despite there's a limitation as mentioned above, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that we are listening to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
still
content with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
message at the heart. This would be the right tool to unite all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their cultures and ages together.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinions? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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