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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.19

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 19
It is well-known that music can reach to the different parts of the world. It is yet debatable that music is a onw of the best way for having closer relationship of the people in various nations and ages as well. Would this be trure? I contend to agree with this statement. This will be explain in the following paragraph how music helps for the amalgamation of culture and people together in all aspects. Music is important for different culture of different country. But it has been found that people listen and enjoy different kinds of music. For example K-Pop music initially was not so famous but when they became known to other English speaking country, now they might be popular than before. And people could learn the Korean culture as well. Thus, people become closer by this music. Further, it has been seen that older people generally does not like hip-hop music. They like soft music which can always not available in their own country musician. For instance, people of South Asian countries used to listen Indian Contemporary music. This type of music is not present in their country. As a result, it has been proved that music can bring people of all ages together. In conclusion, although some people opine that music is not important for begetting people together but I believe it does popular for closing people of all culture and ages. If government gives proper attention in this sector, it will help every country becoming popular.
It is well-known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can reach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world. It is
yet
debatable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
onw
of the best way for having closer relationship of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various nations and ages
as well
. Would this be
Possible spelling mistake found.
trure
? I contend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This will be
Consider using the past participle "explained"?
explain
in the following paragraph how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for the amalgamation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in all aspects.

Music is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has
been found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen and enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
K-Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
initially
was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when they became known to other
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they might be popular than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could learn the Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as well
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become closer by this music.

Further
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
does not like hip-hop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They like soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can always not available in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
musician.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of South Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to listen Indian Contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not present in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, it has
been proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages together.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for begetting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe it does popular for closing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and ages. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives proper attention in this sector, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becoming popular.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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