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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.18

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 18
Music is one of the most complex ways in which people express their feelings, either by creating music, singing or even just listening to it. Some people consider that music is a good way to bring people of different cultures and ages together. In my humble opinion, I do agree to some extent that music is a great way to bring people together. The best example would be music festivals. I have been to several music festivals myself, including Electric Castle and Awake. Everyone who takes part in such an event has a sole purpose: to have fun. I have seen 15-year-olds dancing and having fun with 60-year-olds and nobody gave any importance to their age gap. They were socializing and living the moment to its best. On the other hand, being a heavy music listener, I can say that music did not bring me closer to anyone. Usually, all of my friends listen to different genres of music than me. I have met people that listen to the same type of music as I do and no bond was created whatsoever. Moreover, I have never heard anyone getting close to a person or a group of people because of their tastes in music. Most of the time when people listen to music is when they work or commute when they are alone. For most of us, music is a way of being less lonely, of brightening the day a little bit. It is a way to relax, concentrate and escape the real world. In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that music is a good way of bringing people together. There are indeed some contradictions to my opinion, such as music festivals, but I believe that not music is the key factor which brings people together as much as alcohol and drugs are. For me, music is an instrument which helps to order my thoughts and feelings.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is one of the most complex ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
express their feelings, either by creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, singing or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
listening to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and ages together.

In my humble opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a great way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. The best example would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals. I have been to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals myself, including Electric Castle and Awake. Everyone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
takes part
in such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
has a sole purpose: to have fun. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
15-year-olds dancing and having fun with 60-year-olds and nobody gave any importance to their age gap. They were socializing and living the moment to its best.

On the other hand
, being a heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
listener, I can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
me closer to anyone.
Usually
, all of my friends listen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than me. I have met
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that listen to the same type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as I do and no bond
was created
whatsoever.
Moreover
, I have never heard anyone getting close to a person or a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their tastes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Most of the time when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is when they work or commute when they are alone. For most of us,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a way of being less lonely, of brightening the day a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
. It is a way to relax, concentrate and escape the real world.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. There are
indeed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contradictions to my opinion, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
festivals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the key factor which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together as much as alcohol and drugs are. For me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an instrument which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to order my thoughts and feelings.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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