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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.17

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 17
Music are believed to bring people of different cultures and aged together. I totally agree with this opinion because I believe that music is magical by any means. Firstly, music is a family activity that can be enjoyed by every family member. This is because it offers a chance for parents and grandparents to sit together and makes children quiet for a while. This means if they were using the stereo at home, they can talk to each other in a peaceful and undisturbed circumstance, though they have to do this in a low voice. Similarly, if the family attended a violin concert, they can enjoy the family time on their way to the music hall. In this way, people of three generation can get better understand with each other. Secondly, pop music which can be heard all over the world can bring together young adults from various cultures. They can know each other just origin from the same music preference. For example, a Japanese born student who studied in New York can be very familiar with her new friends after a crazy music party. This is because that popular music is well-known by the youth and that can become the first topic when they are making friends, especially with who have a different hometown. Lastly, traditional music is one of the best ways to show a culture or religion’ characteristics. This means people from different cultures can know each other better, by the assistance of music. For example, if an Egyptian can enjoy the Scotland folk music which can be free downloaded, he can try to accept their foods and clothes for the next step. In conclusion, I agree with the given topic because music can indeed bring people together for its universal acceptance and popularity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
are believed
to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and aged together. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is magical by any means.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activity that can
be enjoyed
by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it offers a chance for parents and grandparents to sit together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children quiet for a while. This means if they were using the stereo at home, they can talk to each other in a peaceful and undisturbed circumstance, though they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do this in a low voice.
Similarly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
attended a violin concert, they can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time on their way to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
hall. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of three generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better understand with each other.

Secondly
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can
be heard
all over the world can bring together young adults from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. They can know each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
origin from the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
preference.
For example
, a Japanese born student who studied in New York can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with her new friends after a crazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
party. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is well-known by the youth and that can become the
first
topic when they are making friends,
especially
with
Did you mean "whom"?
who
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hometown.

Lastly
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the best ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
or religion’ characteristics. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can know each other better, by the assistance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
, if an Egyptian can enjoy the Scotland folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can be free downloaded, he can try to accept their foods and clothes for the
next
step.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
indeed
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together for its universal acceptance and popularity.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 17

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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