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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the opinion. v.15

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with the opinion. v. 15
Music plays an important role in individual’s life as it works as a stress buster for some people. It is considered by some people that music is a key way to combine various cultures and person who having different ages. In my opinion, it works as mediator and people become more friendly and increase their contact with whom having same interest. To Begin with, one important point is that music is liked by all age people and they like to hear it any place. Because of that communication between young and older increase. It creates a harmony between them as they have the same choice. For Example, Indian Garda songs are well known in the entire world. A Person that lives outside India always eager to learn that garba from you if they know that you are Indian. In addition to that, there are possibility that person can increase their contact which helps them in later years of life. Seondly, music work as stress reliever for all ages and cultural people. Most people use it when they want some refreshment from their work. Even it also helps when someone is in hospital and suffering from decease then listening some songs create a positivity in their mind. Lastly, most adolescents like to hear an English song and they follow that singer as well. So, they want to know all about their personal life, even if they belongs to from different culture and want to attend their concert at any part of the world. Therefore, it has also increased the tourism sector of the country which helps to increase the over all growth of the country. In conclusion, While music is used by all ages people as it work as refreshment, positivity, knowledge of different culture and increase the contact of ones. Government should also support musical events in country which helps in growth of the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in individual’s life as it works as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a key way to combine various cultures and person who having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. In my opinion, it works as mediator and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more friendly and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their contact with whom having same interest.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
with, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is liked
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they like to hear it any place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that communication between young and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
. It creates a harmony between them as they have the same choice.
For Example
, Indian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garda
songs are well known in the entire world. A Person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
outside India always eager to learn that
Possible spelling mistake found.
garba
from you if they know that you are Indian.
In addition
to that, there are possibility that person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
their contact which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in later years of life.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Seondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it when they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
refreshment from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Even it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
when someone is in hospital and suffering from decease then listening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs create a positivity in their mind.
Lastly
, most adolescents like to hear an English
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
song and
they follow that singer
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they want to know all about their personal life, even if they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "belong"
belongs
to from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and want to attend their concert at any part of the world.
Therefore
, it has
also
increased the tourism sector of the country which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the over all growth of the country.

In conclusion
, While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as refreshment, positivity, knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the contact of ones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
support musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in country which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in growth of the country.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with the opinion. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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