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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.14

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 14
Music is usually deemed to be an effective method to unite people of different cultures and ages. From my point of view, it is definitely true. In term of age, music is a novel approach which helps generations to understand each other. By the tunes and lyrics, music can vividly tell the youngsters about history stories which their predecessors underwent. The elderly can also grasp the prevailing slangs which the young use in the same way. As a result, they would spend time learning how people around them feel about life and might not be indifferent to others. Besides, there are the songs that stir the enthusiasm inside all civilians, which means that they are special materials to stick people together. For example, when hearing the national anthem, people are all proud of our country, it deduces that there is something in common in their soul and music provoked it. As regard of culture, people usually consider music as a practical way to discover other blooded people’s tradition. Firstly every civilization have their own folk music which is believed as the unique feature to identify them, therefore if people can perceive one’s music, it infers that they are going to comprehend his custom. It is seen easily that visitors are always mesmerized in local music when they come to somewhere new. By means of music, the newcomers might observe the local culture quickly. Secondly, there are a great number of pop superstars owning massive fan-kingdoms composed of people who love their music. Thanks to these groups, fans all over the world can build up the new relationships and gradually understand each other. In conclusion, thanks to the benefits mentioned above, I strongly suppose that music is a positive method to bring people of distinct cultures and ages together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is
usually
deemed to be an effective method to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages. From my point of view, it is definitely true.

In term of age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a novel approach which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
generations to understand each other. By the tunes and lyrics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the youngsters about history stories which their predecessors underwent. The elderly can
also
grasp the prevailing
Possible spelling mistake found.
slangs
which the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the same way
.
As a result
, they would spend time learning how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them feel about life and might not be indifferent to others.
Besides
, there are the songs that stir the enthusiasm inside all civilians, which means that they are special materials to stick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
For example
, when hearing the national anthem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are all proud of our country, it deduces that there is something in common in their soul and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
provoked it.

As regard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a practical way to discover other blooded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
tradition.
Firstly
every civilization have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
folk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
is believed
as the unique feature to identify them,
therefore
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can perceive one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it infers that they are going to comprehend his custom. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
easily
that visitors are always mesmerized in local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to somewhere new. By means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the newcomers might observe the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
quickly
.
Secondly
, there are a great number of pop superstars owning massive fan-kingdoms composed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Thanks to these groups, fans all over the world can build up the new relationships and
gradually
understand each other.

In conclusion
, thanks to the benefits mentioned above, I
strongly
suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
method to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages together.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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