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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.13

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 13
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Music brings joy and peace to everyone. It is argued that music connects people from various countries and ages. I strongly agree with this statement and will discuss how individuals are getting connected to each other through music, although they belong to a different culture and age group. As we all know music has no specific language and it is still easily understood by everyone. It touches people's soul and making them feel the same emotions, even though the language is different. People across distinct culture get connected to each other just by the rhythm and able to get the idea whether it is a celebration or disappointment. An example for this would be a song named WAKA WAKA sung by an African singer Shakira in Spanish got praises from all over the world to celebrate the FIFA world cup irrespective of the language it has sung in. Hence music is widely enjoyable by masses without being criticized about separate culture and language. Music is related to voice, melodies and rhythm. People from all age groups enjoy music according to their liking. It tends to believe older people do not like new generation music, but a recent research conducted at old age homes to figure out what makes them happy and the result show that people who are living far away from their family gets positivity and a sense of pleasure after hearing youthful music thus making them feel young. Therefore music is responsible for making people happy despite of any age. In sum, it is quite clear from the above essay how music is getting everyone connected even though they belong to different cultures and ages. I strongly agree that music plays a vital role in order to connect people from across the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
together. To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this opinion?

Music brings joy and peace to everyone. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various countries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and will discuss how individuals are getting connected to each other through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, although they belong to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group.

As we all know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has no specific language and it is
still
easily
understood by everyone. It touches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's soul and making them feel the same emotions,
even though
the language is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
across distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected to each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by the rhythm and able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
whether it is a celebration or disappointment. An example for this would be a song named
Possible typo: you repeated a word
WAKA WAKA
sung by an African singer Shakira in Spanish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
praises from all over the world to celebrate the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
FIFA world cup
irrespective of the language it has sung in.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
widely
enjoyable by masses without
being criticized
about separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and language.

Music
is related
to voice, melodies and rhythm.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
according to their liking. It tends to believe older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like new generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a recent research conducted at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes to figure out what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living far away from their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
positivity and a sense of pleasure after hearing youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
thus
making them feel young.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is responsible for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
any age.

In sum, it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the above essay how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is getting everyone connected
even though
they belong to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role in order to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from across the world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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