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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.10

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 10
Music is the food for the soul. In certain climes, it is often thought that music brings all sorts of people into oneness, meanwhile, there are those who think otherwise. In my opinion, I fully agree with the former because available statistics supports this notion. Admittedly, those who say music does not bring people together genuinely reason this way because they think everyone has his own niche and do not like other genres of music. This is to say that every one will only cling to people who love his own kind of songs but however, this cannot be correct because statistics from the national bureau says otherwise. Consider the situation whereby everyone from different countries converge to play games at the olympics and notice that everyone enjoys the music play at such occasions. Ultimately, we can tell that such notion is erroneous from this particular situation. On the other hand, other people believe music brings people of all age range and tribes and I completely agree with these ones. First, information from national bureau of statistics shows that various range of people converge in clubs, religious settings and karaoke bars to listen to the same music together. This means that these people become united as time goes by and they become more bonded than those who do not cherish such type of music. For example, the champions league anthem have brought the old, young, French, German and English people together. This has resulted in more bonding amongst these people. Again, the frequency of music beats have been used in times past to convey meaning in situations amongst people of different dialects. In other words, the frequency of sound beats has been understood and used by negotiators in the past to signify acceptance or rejection of deals. For instance, during the determination of the sovereignty of the nations making up the United Kingdom, beats were used as means of communication which finally led to the unification of the empire. In conclusion, although some think music does not unite different people, I completely support the fact that music joins people together because statistics and history says so.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is the food for the soul. In certain climes, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings all sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into oneness, meanwhile, there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In my opinion, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
supports this notion.

Admittedly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does not bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
genuinely
reason this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everyone has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
niche and do not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
say
that every one will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kind of songs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
however
, this cannot be correct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
from the national bureau
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
otherwise
. Consider the situation whereby everyone from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries converge to play games at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
and notice that everyone enjoys the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
play at such occasions.
Ultimately
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
that such notion is erroneous from this particular situation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all age range and tribes and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase is probably grammatically incorrect. Write "these" instead.
these ones
.
First
, information from national bureau of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that various range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
converge in clubs, religious settings and karaoke bars to listen to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
together. This means that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become united as time goes
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
by and
they become more bonded than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not cherish such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For example
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
champions league
anthem have brought the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, young, French, German and English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. This has resulted in more bonding amongst these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Again, the frequency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
beats have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in times past to convey meaning in situations amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
dialects. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the frequency of sound beats has
been understood
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by negotiators in the past to signify acceptance or rejection of deals.
For instance
, during the determination of the sovereignty of the nations making up the United Kingdom, beats were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as means of communication which
finally
led to the unification of the empire.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
does not unite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I completely support the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statistics
and history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
says
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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