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Some people say that music is a good way of bring people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people say that music is a good way of bring people of different culture and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2
It is often thought by many that music can remove the cultural and age differences among people. In my opinion, I completely agree that music plays an important role in bringing people closer to each other. This essay discusses that music is something that is shared among people with different cultures and age groups. Firstly, many people enjoy the same genre of music across the globe regardless of their cultural background. In other words, when people of different communities come together, music is something that they have in common to talk about. For instance, we see people from different parts of the world posting comments and sharing their views about a particular song, which shows how music is bringing multicultural people on one platform. Secondly, nowadays, musicians are remaking old songs and releasing new albums. It allows them to use the lyrics of old songs while choosing the music that young people enjoy the most. Consequently, a song is released that both young and older people can enjoy. For example, a few days ago, my father and I were listening to a newly released, remixed song, and we both enjoyed it a lot. In conclusion, I strongly opine that music is vital when it comes to bringing people together. We can remake the old songs, which helps remove age differences. Additionally, we have music that is listened to and enjoyed by the people residing in different counties with different cultures. It is predicted that in the future, more and more people from different parts of the world will be talking to each another regarding the music.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can remove the cultural and age differences among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each other. This essay discusses that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is something that
is shared
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and age groups.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy the same genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
across the globe regardless of their cultural background.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is something that they have in common to talk about.
For instance
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world posting comments and sharing their views about a particular song, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is bringing multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on one platform.

Secondly
, nowadays, musicians are remaking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs and releasing new albums. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the lyrics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs while choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy the most.
Consequently
, a song
is released
that both young and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy.
For example
, a few days ago, my father and I were listening to a
newly
released, remixed song, and we both enjoyed it a lot.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is vital when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. We can remake the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
remove age differences.
Additionally
, we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
is listened
to and enjoyed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
counties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures. It
is predicted
that in the future, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world will be talking to each another regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bring people of different culture and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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