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Some people say that main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views. v.1

Some people say that main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1
As time goes by, the number of problems facing us keeps increasing, some of these problems relate to our environment. However, people argue about the most important issues, while some of them think that it is the extinction of the organisms, other people believe that there are many other important issues, such as, global warming. This essay will discuss both points of views and give some examples. There are many different reasons why the extinction of some species is considered as a main problem. First of all, because our life goes like a circle when each creature depends on the other, it is so important to maintain the balance in our environment because any kind of loss will affect the world. In other words, when some kind of plants started to disappear, animals like sheep and rabbits will not find enough food, hence, the will start to die one by one and we will lose our food in return. On the other hand, we have another problem that is known enough among people, which is, The Global Warming. The increasing of the factory number and the greenhouse gases amount had affected the earth badly causing the global warming. Scientists believe that ignoring this issue will have a major effect on the world atmosphere which will cause an increasing in the sea water level and melting of the north and south pole ice. In addition, because this problem cannot be seen, people do not pay it enough attention, if they do, the will develop some solution for it like producing more electric cars and reduce the factories number. In conclusion, although some people say that the vanish of some animals and plants is the main environmental issue due to its effects on the life circle, other think that problems such as global warming are much more important because people do not pay it enough attention.
As time goes by, the number of
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problems
facing us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
increasing,
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some
of these
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problems
relate to our environment.
However
,
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people
argue about the most
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important
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issues
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the extinction of the organisms,
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other
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people
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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other
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important
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issues
, such as,
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global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
. This essay will discuss both points of views and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

There are
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many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species
is considered
as a main
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problem
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our life goes like a circle when each creature depends on the
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other
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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important
to maintain the balance in our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any kind of loss will affect the world. In
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other
words, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of plants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to disappear, animals like sheep and rabbits will not find
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enough
food,
hence
,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
one by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
one and
we will lose our food in return.

On the
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other
hand, we have another
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problem
that
is known
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enough
among
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people
, which is, The
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Global
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Warming
. The increasing of the factory number and the greenhouse gases amount had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the earth
badly
causing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
. Scientists believe that ignoring this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
will have a major effect on the world atmosphere which will cause an increasing in the sea water level and melting of the north and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south pole
ice.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
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problem
cannot be
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seen
,
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people
do not pay it
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enough
attention, if they do,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
will develop
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some
solution for it like producing more electric cars and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the factories number.

In conclusion
, although
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some
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people
say that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'vanish' is correct. If 'vanish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the vanish
of
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some
animals and plants is the main environmental
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issue
due to its effects on the life circle,
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
are much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not pay it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
attention.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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