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Some people say that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1
There remains a controversy whether people should be content with negative circumstances, such as a lack of money or an undesirable occupation. Many people, however, assert that to make some improving changes to these adversities is a better option. This essay would discuss both viewpoints and I am personally in all agreement with the latter statement as more convincing and rational for some following reasons. In the first place, a number of strong arguments could be held responsible for the acceptance of unfavourable cases. Firstly, such choice would probably impede any negative feelings that might arise when tackling these situations. In other words, people, if failing to overcome the downside, might suffer from self-blame and depression since they consider themselves as losers. Secondly, a great number of university students are too immature and inexperienced to be admitted to large corporations. However, as they would like to make ends meet without the assistance from their parents, it is advisable for them to begin with an underpaid job first to accumulate working experience before truly engaging in a bigger and more professional environment. Hence, patiently accepting these might-be dismaying professions would be likely advantageous in the long run. On the other hand, I favour the idea that people should consistently seek remedies to overcome unwanted conditions. For example, one clear benefit is that by making attempts to find solutions to these problems, people could sharpen their wills as well as creative thinking patterns. To be more exact, always not to surrender would offer a person a firm determination in doing any other things, also, making them brainstorm to get themselves out of the dumps. Another worth mentioning advantage is that people could experience a better life if they could change negativity to positivity, which is for their own sake. Humans by no means have to be suffering thanks to their mental power and physical strength to alleviate the issue. In conclusion, I support the view that people should be encouraged to mitigate such disappointing circumstances in order to enjoy their lives comfortably.
There remains a controversy whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be content with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances, such as a lack of money or an undesirable occupation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, assert that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to these adversities is a better option. This essay would discuss both
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
viewpoints and
I am
personally
in all agreement with the latter statement as more convincing and rational for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
following reasons.

In the
first
place, a number of strong arguments could
be held
responsible for the acceptance of
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
cases.
Firstly
, such choice would
probably
impede any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings that might arise when tackling these situations.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, if failing to overcome the downside, might suffer from self-blame and depression since they consider themselves as losers.
Secondly
, a great number of university students are too immature and inexperienced to
be admitted
to large corporations.
However
, as they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
without the assistance from their parents, it is advisable for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with an underpaid job
first
to accumulate working experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
truly
engaging in a bigger and more professional environment.
Hence
,
patiently
accepting these might-be dismaying professions would be likely advantageous in the long run.

On the other hand
, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
consistently
seek remedies to overcome unwanted conditions.
For example
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefit is that by making attempts to find solutions to these problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could sharpen their wills
as well
as creative thinking patterns. To be more exact, always not to surrender would offer a person a firm determination in doing any other things,
also
, making them brainstorm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves out of the dumps. Another worth mentioning advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could experience a better life if they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
negativity to positivity, which is for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake. Humans by no means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be suffering thanks to their mental power and physical strength to alleviate the issue.

In conclusion
, I support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to mitigate such disappointing circumstances in order to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
comfortably
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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