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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion? v. 2
Music is an expression, to understand which, people do not need any specific expertise or language command. Some people opine that music is a form of art that brings people closer, regardless of the differences in their age and culture. I agree with this notion and this essay will enumerate the contributions of music in bringing people together, This essay will also discuss the aspects when some exceptions may be observed. Music is not always considered a mode of bringing people together. Sometimes there are certain religious bindings that make people rigid and consider music to be the major contributor to the wrongdoings in our society. For instance, in Islamic religion, practicing or listening to music is prohibited and Islamic extremists declare music to be the sole contributor to the downfall of youngsters in our society. Contrary to this, people believe that music is a harmless expression. Melody provides a great platform for bringing people of different religions, sects, race and age together. For instance, famous music band COLDPLAY had a concert arranged in Abudhabi. People from all over the middle east and Asia booked and attended the concert. There was no discrimination of nationality or colour, the only thing evident was their love for the music. Also, melody is being recommended as a therapy by several psychotherapists. People gather for the therapy sessions and listen quietly to the melody played by the therapist, that not only provides them a calming effect but also boosts a feeling of content in them. These people then interact with each other to show compassion and care. In conclusion, I believe that people who disagree with the statement have a flawed understanding. Music is a harmless mode of expression and I believe it is absolutely an excellent way of bringing people together, promoting global interaction, love and care for each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is an expression, to understand which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need any specific expertise or language command.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a form of art that brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer, regardless of the differences in their age and culture. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and this essay will enumerate the contributions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together, This essay will
also
discuss the aspects when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions may
be observed
.

Music is not always considered a mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
there are certain religious bindings that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rigid and consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to be the major contributor to the wrongdoings in our society.
For instance
, in Islamic religion, practicing or listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is prohibited
and Islamic extremists declare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to be the sole contributor to the downfall of youngsters in our society.

Contrary to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a harmless expression. Melody provides a great platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religions, sects, race and age together.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
band COLDPLAY had a concert arranged in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abudhabi
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from all over the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
and Asia booked and attended the concert. There was no discrimination of nationality or
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing evident was their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Also
, melody is
being recommended
as a therapy by several psychotherapists.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
gather for the therapy sessions and listen
quietly
to the melody played by the therapist, that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides them a calming effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
boosts a feeling of content in them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
then interact with each other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
compassion and care.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who disagree with the statement have a flawed understanding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a harmless mode of expression and I believe it is
absolutely
an excellent way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together, promoting global interaction,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for each other.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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