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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion? v. 1
It is argued by some that a good way of connecting individuals from different backgrounds and ages is through this Art. This essay will agree that Music is a channel through which different ways of lives can be learnt and also connections between the young and old can be developed. Why is music a good way of bonding? ! Firstly, through this activity, different cultures can be shared. Because it is known that, there are different ways people live in the diaspora which needs to be shared with others who not familiar with these cultures. Therefore, people can pass on how they live and what is practiced in their different countries through sounds. For a good example in my country, the 21st of March is set aside for African Music Festival (AMF) which is a time when artists from all over Africa come to sing on one stage, it attracts both the young and old where they are able to meet, interact and learn about the beliefs of other countries. Secondly, musicals creates a platform for the elderly and younger ones to bond. These days, lots of classic songs are mostly enjoyed by all ages and it aids to foster the relationship between the old and young generations since they all relate to this genre of Music. For an instance, in most Parties celebrated in my country Nigeria, traditional classics are mostly played to allow children, youth and older ones to participate in order to involve everyone in the celebration. The illustration shows that these sounds plays an important role in connecting people together as to oppose bias beliefs that musical lyrics leads to society decadence. To conclude, it is clearly agreed that an ideal means to initiate different beliefs and to develop bonds amongst families and friends is through the art of music.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of connecting individuals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds and ages is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this Art. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a channel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
and
also
connections between the young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
can
be developed
.

Why is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of bonding? !

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this activity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures can
be shared
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it
is known
that, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the diaspora which needs to
be shared
with others who not familiar with these cultures.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can pass on how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and what
is practiced
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
sounds. For a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in my country, the 21st of March
is set
aside for African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Festival (AMF) which is a time when artists from all over Africa
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to sing on one stage, it attracts both the young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
where they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, interact and learn about the beliefs of other countries.

Secondly
, musicals creates a platform for the elderly and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to bond. These days, lots of classic songs are
mostly
enjoyed by all ages and it aids to foster the relationship between the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and young generations since they all relate to this genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
. For an instance, in most Parties celebrated in my country Nigeria, traditional classics are
mostly
played to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
children, youth and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to participate in order to involve everyone in the celebration. The illustration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that these sounds plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together as to oppose bias beliefs that musical lyrics leads to society decadence.

To conclude
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that an ideal means to initiate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
beliefs and to develop bonds amongst families and friends is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the art of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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