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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 6
It is often said that music has a magical power to connect and unite people without any cultural backgrounds or generation barriers. I disagree with this and will demonstrate my opinion with two reasons: culture and age have a great influence on how people perceive it and the impact of music on the cohesion between the fan groups of different musical genres. Audiences who do not come from one’s country or the same generation will be interested in other kinds of music because nationality affects its citizens which makes them familiar with some types of music rather than others. Old and young people are also affected by life’s experiences or lifestyle. For instance, Indian music which has a long story and many illogical episodes or the music came from the US with so many noisy sounds, up and down, both of them were hated by me - a Vietnamese. The group, whose love with one musical genre will be isolated from another. Music fans just enjoy their music line, feel happy and relaxed when listening to that kind of music like country music fans, they are unfamiliar with rock music, noise music instruments or beat too fast. For example, I fall in love with country music and enjoy bolero, but I have to listen to nursery rhymes which my nephew prefers because taking care of him when his parents got out is my responsibility. It makes me tired and stressed, so I do not want to be beside him anymore, each time. In conclusion, I believe that music is powerful and magical in connecting people, but depending on their music style.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a magical power to connect and unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without any cultural backgrounds or generation barriers. I disagree with this and will demonstrate my opinion with two reasons: culture and age have a great influence on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive it and the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on the cohesion between the fan groups of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
musical genres.

Audiences who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from one’s country or the same generation will
be interested
in other kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nationality affects its citizens which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by life’s experiences or lifestyle.
For instance
, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which has a long story and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illogical episodes or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
came from the US with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
noisy sounds, up and down, both of them
were hated
by me
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a Vietnamese.

The group, whose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with one musical genre will
be isolated
from another.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
fans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
line, feel happy and relaxed when listening to that kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
like country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fans, they are unfamiliar with rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instruments or beat too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
For example
, I fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and enjoy bolero,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
listen to nursery rhymes which my nephew prefers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking care of him when his parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
out is my responsibility. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I do not want to be beside him anymore, each time.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is powerful and magical in connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depending on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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