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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 5
That is a common belief that music is the best option of gathering human beings of various cultures and ages together. In my opinion, I completely agree with this idea. Actually, music is the best way of feeling happy or sometimes sad. It easily impacts to the people and changes their emotions. Additionally, it makes people to bring their culture together, not only as a person listens different kinds of musics of the several countries, but also they adapt to music's origin (its country, singer, language, and so on. ) For example, nowadays fans of the pop are a lot of in different states. As they love to listen Korean musics, they are also really into to learn its language on account of their passion. As it is mentioned above, when someone has a great passion to listen one music, they want to search about a singer of that music too. And they become to have idols of singers. Moreover, there exist some norms and cultures that even people don't want to cooperate with other nations. So, the music is a good method for them to be cooperative and to share their feelings with each others. Finally, another reason for it can be said that there is no limit of ages that cannot listen to music, all human beings have a right to listen to a tune (from child to old. ) Not only youngs listen to modern one, but also some of them are really into to listen to old songs. In short, I believe that music is the best opportunity to become cooperative with other nations and it is a good way of sharing our sensations as well.
That is
a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best option of gathering human beings of various cultures and ages together. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best way of feeling happy or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
sad. It
easily
impacts to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
their emotions.
Additionally
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to bring their culture together, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
of the several countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they adapt to music's origin (its country, singer, language, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
For example
, nowadays fans of the pop are
Possible agreement error. The noun in seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of ins".
a lot of in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
Korean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
, they are
also
really
into to learn its language on account of their passion. As it
is mentioned
above, when someone has a great passion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they want to search about a singer of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
too. And they become to have idols of singers.

Moreover
, there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
norms and cultures that even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't want to cooperate with other nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method for them to be cooperative and to share their feelings with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.
Finally
, another reason for it can
be said
that there is no limit of ages that cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, all human beings have a right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a tune (from child to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to modern one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
really
into to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
songs.

In short, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best opportunity to become cooperative with other nations and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of sharing our sensations
as well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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