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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 4
Music is the magic of sounds and rhythms that creates excitement and emotions for people of all ages and cultures. It is called a language as it can describe feelings and meanings. But how effectively music and sounds can attach different people has been a modern debate for experts. Nowadays, there is no doubt about the power of songs to be a cultural bridge to connect people around the globe together. Every ethnic or minority, from Australian aboriginals with thousands of years history of the modern communities, utilises different instruments and musical style to express their thoughts in the form of sounds. But the result is understandable for the whole population equal. The blues songs created by B. B. King is acclaimed and applauded by everyone and not just African-American of Mississippi river. So the stronger the music is, the more globalised it becomes simultaneously. Musics around the universe come together to mix and create new forms and spread out again. When the sadness of blues is mixed with jazz to play with the new invention of the electric guitar, the “rock and roll” created to explode the love of music to all the youngsters regardless of language or culture. To squeeze everything to the short conclusion, Music had been connecting people even before they started to speak. It is probably the strongest form of art in intelligence and civilisation development. And probably to prepare for the future challenges we need to develop new forms of arts and specifically music to be able to manage the humanity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is the magic of sounds and rhythms that creates excitement and emotions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages and cultures. It
is called
a language as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
feelings and meanings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
how
effectively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and sounds can attach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been a modern debate for experts. Nowadays, there is no doubt about the power of songs to be a cultural bridge to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe together.

Every ethnic or minority, from Australian aboriginals with thousands of years history of the modern communities,
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilises' is British English.
utilises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
instruments and musical style to express their thoughts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of sounds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the result is understandable for the whole population equal. The blues songs created by B. B. King
is acclaimed
and applauded by everyone and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
African-American of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Mississippi river
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the stronger the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is, the more
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
it becomes
simultaneously
.

Musics around the universe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to mix and create new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
and spread out again.

When the sadness of blues
is mixed
with jazz to play with the new invention of the electric guitar, the “rock and roll” created to explode the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to all the youngsters regardless of language or culture.

To squeeze everything to the short conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
had been connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to speak. It is
probably
the strongest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of art in intelligence and
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
development. And
probably
to prepare for the future challenges we need to develop new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of arts and
specifically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to be able to manage the humanity.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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