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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2
Certain persons opine that music is a great way to promote cohesion among people of various cultures and age groups. Music can be beneficial for bringing people together for social and noble causes. However, the content and the type of music can act as barriers. I agree with the argument that music which is pleasant and widely acceptable can be used for promoting harmony. Music is one of the forms of art which transcends boundaries of nations and attracts audience all around the world. It is not uncommon to see music lovers come together / unite enthusiastically despite belonging to different age groups, gender, caste or creed. It has been noted time and again that people belonging to varying backgrounds have joined hands for several social and charitable causes by virtue of their common liking for music. However, there are certain factors such as genre and lyrics which can affect this. For example, a person with interest in classical music might not prefer to attend a western music concert. If someone is not proficient in English, one might not prefer spending time with people who discuss English music. Music with profane and objectionable content directed towards one particular sect of people might not be well received and may even adversely cause communal disharmony Hence, I believe that music which is soothing, commonly understood and accepted can be used to promote bonding between the people of different cultures and ages. Also, it is essential to monitor the content of the music to assess the suitability as per the social and cultural norms for better acceptance. In conclusion, music can be an excellent medium to unite people provided the limitations in the content and genre are addressed.
Certain persons opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a great way to promote cohesion among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various cultures and age groups.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
can be beneficial for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together for social and noble causes.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can act as barriers. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is pleasant and
widely
acceptable can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for promoting harmony.

Music is one of the forms of art which transcends boundaries of nations and attracts audience all around the world. It is not uncommon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lovers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together / unite
enthusiastically
despite belonging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups, gender, caste or creed. It has
been noted
time and again that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging to varying backgrounds have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
hands for several social and charitable causes by virtue of their common liking for music.

However
, there are certain factors such as genre and lyrics which can affect this.
For example
, a person with interest in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
might not prefer to attend a western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concert. If someone is not proficient in English, one might not prefer spending time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who discuss English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
with profane and objectionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
directed towards one particular sect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well received
and may even
adversely
cause communal
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
disharmony


Hence
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is soothing,
commonly
understood and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to promote bonding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and ages.
Also
, it is essential to monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to assess the suitability as per the social and cultural norms for better acceptance.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be an excellent medium to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provided the limitations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and genre
are addressed
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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