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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 1
Music is always a healing therapy and many people have an opinion that it is way of increasing the bonding among those of different cultures and ages. Indeed, I agree with this viewpoint, because everybody in this world are connected to music regardless of age, taste and culture. On one hand, music is an art and throughout the world it has attracted millions of people. Moreover, there are no boundaries for music and nowadays people listen to different types like traditional, western, classic, melody and so on. This has always brought people, who have similar tastes together and through music people can recollect many memories of their past. Furthermore, as the years pass-by there might be variations in the sounds, but its popularity has never been declined. For example, in every country there are numerous musical events and concerts taking place each year, and thousands of people across the globe are attending these events. Moreover, they are enjoying themselves to the maximum by listening to this and they are a medium of spreading it. On the other hand, apart from music, the lyrics and genre also attract people more. Indeed, a music has always been a soothing treatment to the people in various situations. People feel that listening to a piece of music or talking about this is a stress buster. Although, there might be a gap among elders and young ones in different things, but for music everybody will be connected. For instance, a decade ago, people in India who like western music were very less, but now there are people of different ages who listen to this music and they also suggest others. In conclusion, music has always been a unique way of uniting people across the world, despite of the genres and countries. Indeed, with the changing times people who like music are also changing along with culture and trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is always a healing therapy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that it is way of increasing the bonding among those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages.
Indeed
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody in this world
are connected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
regardless of age, taste and culture.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an art and throughout the world it has attracted millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, there are no boundaries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types like traditional, western, classic, melody and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This has always brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have similar tastes together and through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can recollect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
memories of their past.
Furthermore
, as the years pass-by there might be variations in the sounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its popularity has never
been declined
.
For example
, in every country there are numerous musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and concerts taking place each year, and thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe are attending these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Moreover
, they are enjoying themselves to the maximum by listening to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they are a medium of spreading it.

On the other hand
, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the lyrics and genre
also
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more.
Indeed
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always been a soothing treatment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various situations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
feel that listening to a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or talking about this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster. Although, there might be a gap among elders and young ones in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
everybody will
be connected
.
For instance
, a decade ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
listen to this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
they
also
suggest others.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always been a unique way of uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the genres and countries.
Indeed
, with the changing times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
also
changing along with culture and trend.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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