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Some people said that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Some people said that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 1
It has been argued that music is a good method to connect people in different cultures and ages. From my point of view, music can bring multicultural society together, the difference between different ages is hard to be minimized by the impact of music. One the one hand, the reason why music is not a good connection between different generation is that music trends keep changing over time. For example, in Vietnam, old people tend to listen to red music or bolero that recall them about the war period and patriotism. Meanwhile, the youth prefer listening other music genres like pop or rap, which help them alleviate stress and unwind after a busy working day. Due to the personalities, music style and living circumstances in different periods, the differences between generation are still remained. On the other hand, music is likely to broaden the horizon of people to welcome various cultures all over the world. Although each country has its own culture and norm, music could minimize the culture gap and be a good way to connect people. For example, a famous K-pop song known as Gangnam Style which has an attractive rhythm climbed to 2nd ranking place in Billboard. Listeners enjoy the rhythms and the music style of these songs without knowing the language or meaning of those. In conclusion, although music is unlikely to bridge the generational difference owing to the music revolution, music is a good way to build cross-cultural relationships between all people in the world.
It has
been argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
method to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and ages. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can bring multicultural society together, the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ages is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
be minimized
by the impact of music.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
generation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
changing over time.
For example
, in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to listen to red
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or bolero that recall them about the war period and patriotism. Meanwhile, the youth prefer listening other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres like pop or rap, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and unwind after a busy working day. Due to the personalities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style and living circumstances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
periods, the differences between generation are
still
remained.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is likely to broaden the horizon of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to welcome various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
all over the world. Although each country has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and norm,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
gap and be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
K-pop song known as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gangnam
Style which has an attractive rhythm climbed to 2nd ranking place in Billboard. Listeners enjoy the rhythms and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
style of these songs without knowing the language or meaning of those.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is unlikely to bridge the generational difference owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
revolution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to build cross-cultural relationships between all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people said that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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