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Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.20

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. v. 20
In the modern world, there are a large number of choices for people. In my opinion, increased number of choices put people in a confusing state of mind. It is commonly believed that more the options, more will people try to explore. I wonder, Are these choices, testing the decision making power of a common man? It reminds me of older days where the things were limited and people world left with one or two options to decide from. But today's scenario is totally different. Consider shopping as an example. People can buy clothes from a shop, a showroom or a mall. They have so many brands, colours, textures and sizes to choose from. Even if they are still not satisfied, they can surf online. There is collection of variety of clothes and we can always search according to our needs. Another example is a restaurant. People are not only provided with different kinds of dishes, but also there are many choices among those dishes. If someone orders a juice, there are so many flavours and topping options. Am I read all the hundred options, and then place my order? It is quite obvious for people being in a dilemma while choosing. But I feel that it has a benefit too, which is that people are becoming smarter consumers. Since they are provided with many choices, they are less likely to be limited to a shopkeeper and get cheated by him someday. Also, so many choices lead to tough market competition for retailers due to which they tend to enhance the quality of their products so as to making their position at the marketplace. To conclude, I would like to say that while ago the large number of choices pushes people in a confused state it also helps in maintaining healthy competition among the retailers and manufacturers forcing them to provide high quality products.
In the modern world, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion, increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a confusing state of mind. It is
commonly
believed that more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
, more will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to explore. I wonder, Are these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, testing the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
power of a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
? It reminds me of older
It is better to use 'days' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "days when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
days where
the things
were limited
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with one or two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
to decide from.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's scenario is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Consider shopping as an example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes from a shop, a showroom or a mall. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
brands,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, textures and sizes to choose from. Even if they are
still
not satisfied, they can surf online. There is collection of variety of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clothes and
we can always search according to our needs. Another example is a restaurant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of dishes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
among those dishes. If someone orders a juice, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
and topping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
. Am I read all the hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
options
, and then place my order?

It is quite obvious for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being in a dilemma while choosing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I feel that it has a benefit too, which is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming smarter consumers. Since they
are provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, they are less likely to
be limited
to a shopkeeper and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cheated by him someday.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
lead to tough market competition for retailers due to which they tend to enhance the quality of their products
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
making their position at the marketplace.

To conclude
, I would like to say that while ago the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a confused state it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in maintaining healthy competition among the retailers and manufacturers forcing them to provide high quality products.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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