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Some people believe that it is best to accept the a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others argue that it is better to improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is best to accept the a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others argue that it is better to improve such situations. v. 1
Every now and then, human is faced with some of the unfavourable situations, such as unsatisfactory jobs, unemployment and Short of money. Some people believe that it is a best way to accept them, while others thinks that we should make some efforts to mitigate the problems. I also agree with the second notion. This essay will discuss both the views along with some examples. On the one side, there are some reasons that is why people accept such problems. The predominant one is that if they start worrying and thinking about their problems again and again, it can cause stress and depression. Therefore, to live a happy and satisfied life instead of taking stress and worries, they accept their current circumstances rather than working to solve them. Apart from this is the religious belief called fate. According to this, people think that everything happens for a particular reason and changing it would be against the fortunate. Therefore, they accept their problems. On the other side, in which people think that they should work on their bad conditions to solve them. The first and foremost reason is their mental health. They get into depression by working in unfavourable jobs. In 2019, an article written and published by the world health organization revealed that the major reason of depression in young adults is short of money and being not satisfied with their work. Thus, people should work hard to change their situations instead of accepting them. In conclusion, to agglomerating the above-mentioned viewpoints, it can be said that people hold distinct perceptions. As both the notions are relevant to some extent. However, I believe that we should make challenges against the problems to create a positive lifestyle.
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then, human
is faced
with
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
situations, such as unsatisfactory jobs, unemployment and Short of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
them, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
efforts to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second notion. This essay will discuss both the views along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

On the one side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The predominant one is that if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
worrying and thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
again and again, it can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy and satisfied life
instead
of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and worries, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
circumstances
rather
than working to solve them. Apart from this is the religious belief called fate. According to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything happens for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
and changing it would be against the fortunate.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
their problems.

On the other side, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should work on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions to solve them. The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is their mental health. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into depression by working in
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
jobs. In 2019, an article written and published by the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world health organization
revealed that the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of depression in young adults is short of money and being not satisfied with their work.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their situations
instead
of accepting them.

In conclusion
, to agglomerating the above-mentioned viewpoints, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold distinct perceptions.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
both the notions are relevant to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
However
, I believe that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
challenges against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept the a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or short of money. Others argue that it is better to improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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