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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v.1

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1
Many people may surrender to the negative situations relating to occupations and finance while others may put their efforts into overcoming the situations. I agree with the latter view that people should seek for the better conditions. On the one hand, the situation may be limited to the certain extents due to the different backgrounds. It could be argued that people are competent at some degree. For instance, the case of employment also undergoes with suitable conditions. People could not find other jobs according to their qualifications. Consequently, they would have to take such job in order to support their lives. Especially, in the economic crisis, the employer would tend to reduce the hiring. It could be impossible for a man to change his job in serious cases. Therefore, people are forced to obey the situations. However, there should be at least one possibility. Being unable to predict the future, people should adopt the positive mindset in order to find the best approach. Although, modern society is comprised with competitions, there are some facilitations to the competitor. For example, people could improve their qualifications in job prospect by taking online classes or attending basic workshops at the Work Centre. People would possibly discover more opportunities. Furthermore, they are able to make their living and move up their lives. Take an example of Korean singers, they would practice days and nights in order to achieve their goals within a short period. The debut is one of the development stages. Therefore, people with passionate and positive mindsets would possibly reach what they are longing for. In conclusion, people may be limited with their abilities and conditions, but they are not necessarily captivated by such obstacle. There are potential possibilities in order to meet favorable conditions such as positive approach and being optimistic. Therefore, people can improve their lives to the better stage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may surrender to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situations relating to occupations and finance while others may put their efforts into overcoming the situations. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should seek for the better conditions.

On the one hand, the situation may
be limited
to the certain extents due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds. It could
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are competent at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree.
For instance
, the case of employment
also
undergoes with suitable conditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could not find other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
according to their qualifications.
Consequently
, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to support their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Especially
, in the economic crisis, the employer would tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the hiring. It could be impossible for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in serious cases.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
to obey the situations.

However
, there should be at least one possibility. Being unable to predict the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindset in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to find the best approach. Although, modern society
is comprised
with competitions, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilitations
to the competitor.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their qualifications in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospect by taking online classes or attending basic workshops at the Work
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would
possibly
discover more opportunities.
Furthermore
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Take an example of Korean singers, they would practice days and nights in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to achieve their goals within a short period. The debut is one of the development stages.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with passionate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mindsets would
possibly
reach what they are longing for.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be limited
with their abilities and conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are not
necessarily
captivated by such obstacle. There are potential possibilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
favorable conditions such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach and being optimistic.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to the better stage.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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