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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job and shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and state your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job and shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. v. 1
Unfavourable conditions like financial issues and unfulfilling jobs are the common problems by which majority of the individuals are affected these days. As believed by many that we should learn to live with it, however, others are of the opinion that constant attempts should be done to improve the circumstances. Both views and opinions will be stated in the forthcoming paragraphs along with the supporting examples. Large section of society is confronting these difficulties, nonetheless, some people just accept their standard of living. They think that it is their faith and if any efforts will be made to come out of this situation, it will go in vain. For example, it is seen that almost 90% of the candidates seeking a place to work take the first job they get with meagre salary. They do not strive to wait for the best opportunity. I feel that these people have low moral and they are unconfident about their capabilities. They have accepted this lifestyle, probably of the fact that it had been prolonging for too long. It seems inevitable to most that their way of living can never be raised, therefore, motivational events ought to organised to boost their spirit. On the other hand, some of the beings are quite zealous and career oriented. They cannot afford to spend their life in misery. They reckon that if they work-hard and be patient, the current status can be easily uplifted. For instance, their are many legends who lived in poverty are now surrounded with luxuries. There achievements are laudable which is entirely based on perseverance and diligence. I personally suggest, if you are willing to accomplish something, it certainly can be attained sooner or later. That is why inspired people tend to reach the desired pinnacle they aim for, specially because they believe in themselves. To summarise, self growth leads to development of whole nation. It is the mindset of people and their attitude towards what they want from life. Mankind can have a secure future only then when he longs for.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Unfavourable' is British English.
Unfavourable
conditions like financial issues and unfulfilling jobs are the common problems by which majority of the individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
these days. As believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that we should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with it,
however
, others are of the opinion that constant attempts should
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the circumstances. Both views and opinions will
be stated
in the forthcoming paragraphs along with the supporting examples.

Large section of society is confronting these difficulties, nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accept their standard of living. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is their faith and if any efforts will
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of this situation, it will go in vain.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that almost 90% of the candidates seeking a place to work take the
first
job they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
salary. They do not strive to wait for the best opportunity. I feel that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have low
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
moral and
they are unconfident about their capabilities. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
this lifestyle,
probably
of the fact that it had been prolonging for too long. It seems inevitable to most that their way of living can never
be raised
,
therefore
, motivational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
ought to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
to boost their spirit.

On the other hand
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
beings are quite zealous and career oriented. They cannot afford to spend their life in misery. They reckon that if they work-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and be patient, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
status can be
easily
uplifted.
For instance
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
legends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in poverty are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
surrounded with luxuries. There achievements are laudable which is
entirely
based on perseverance and diligence. I
personally
suggest, if you are willing to accomplish something, it
certainly
can
be attained
sooner or later.
That is
why inspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to reach the desired pinnacle they aim for,
specially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe in themselves.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, self growth leads to development of whole nation. It is the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their attitude towards what they want from life. Mankind can have a secure future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then when he longs for.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job and shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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