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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v. 164 v.87

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 164 v. 87
Every now and then, man is faced with a choice of embracing some of life's unfavourable circumstances. While some believe that accepting such a situation should be welcomed and seen as ideal, I would argue that every negative situation experienced in life should provide conditions for improvement. More often than not, the major reason for this school of thought is mainly attributed to, religious belief of fate. In other words, believing that everything happens for a particular reason and changing it would be against fate. A research carried out in 2017, by the Globalcom Ministry, for example, suggested that about 65% of persons who accepted unpleasant treatments either from fellow workers or students were religious believers that believed in a higher being called fate. Thus, this group believes that every condition was preordained. A different group, on the contrary, share the opinion that it is favourable to improve unfavourable conditions mainly because it affects mental health. This implies that, every individual should rise above negative circumstances, such as limited funds, as well as, hostile work environment. Take for example, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that the major causes of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and also low financial status. Hence, improving the negative conditions would improve our mental health thereby, reducing depression, as well as, death by suicide. In conclusion, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a reason, I am of the opinion that every person should improve every negative state whether job related or otherwise.
Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is faced
with a choice of embracing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of life's
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
circumstances. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that accepting such a situation should
be welcomed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as ideal, I would argue that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
situation experienced in life should provide conditions for improvement.

More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, the major reason for this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is
mainly
attributed to, religious belief of fate.
In other words
, believing that everything happens for a particular reason and changing it would be against fate.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
carried out in 2017, by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Globalcom
Ministry,
for example
, suggested that about 65% of persons who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
unpleasant treatments either from fellow workers or students were religious believers that believed in a higher
being called
fate.
Thus
, this group believes that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
was preordained
.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
group,
on the contrary
, share the opinion that it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
conditions
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects mental health.
This implies that
, every individual should rise above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
circumstances, such as limited funds,
as well
as, hostile work environment. Take
for example
, the 2019 article, written and published by the World Health Organization, revealed that the major causes of depression in young adults were hostile working surroundings and
also
low financial status.
Hence
, improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
conditions would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our mental health thereby, reducing depression,
as well
as, death by suicide.

In conclusion
, while others suggest that every occasion occurs for a reason, I am of the opinion that every person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
state whether job related or
otherwise
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 164 v. 87

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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