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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reason and examples. v. 161 v.85

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Give reason and examples. v. 161 v. 85
Different people have different problems in their lives and everyone has his own perspective to tackle the situation. While some prefer to accept their awful conditions, such as impoverishment, others put effort to ameliorate their present. This essay will juxtapose both these views, and will finally end with my opinion. Some people decide to stay in an awful situation because they are not ready to accept any transitions. They do not want to come out of their comfort zone to explore something new. For instance, one of my colleagues does not like his night shift job, but he neither wants to discuss about it with his supervisors, nor switch his job as that requires and extra effort of attending multiple interviews and studying for them. Such people would prefer fidgeting about their conditions, rather than taking some actions to improve it. On the contrary, some people go against all odds and achieve according to their calibre. They believe that they can either make or break their life. Moreover, they do not want to blame others for their condition and they do not want to regret in their future for not trying to get what they actually deserve. For example, my father wanted my brother to become a doctor, however he was interested in pursuing his passion of becoming a wildlife photographer. He went against all odds and fought for what he actually wanted and was able to convince my father. Consequently, he is an adept in his field now and my father is extremely satisfied with him. In conclusion, some individuals prefer accepting their rough situation as they are afraid of any changes in their lives and others prefer fighting with such conditions as they want to put effort. In my opinion, the latter ones have a better perspective as by putting hard work they can rely on themselves rather than anyone else or their fate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and everyone has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective to tackle the situation. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to accept their awful conditions, such as impoverishment, others put effort to ameliorate their present. This essay will juxtapose both these views, and will
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to stay in an awful situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not ready to accept any transitions. They do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their comfort zone to explore something new.
For instance
, one of my colleagues does not like his night shift job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
with his supervisors, nor switch his job as that requires and extra effort of attending multiple interviews and studying for them. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
fidgeting about their conditions,
rather
than taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go against all odds and achieve according to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
. They believe that they can either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or break their life.
Moreover
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to blame others for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
condition and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to regret in their future for not trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they actually deserve.
For example
, my father wanted my brother to become a doctor,
however
he
was interested
in pursuing his passion of becoming a wildlife photographer. He went against all odds and fought for what he actually wanted and was able to convince my father.
Consequently
, he is an adept in his field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and my father is
extremely
satisfied with him.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
accepting their rough situation as they are afraid of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
fighting with such conditions as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to put effort. In my opinion, the latter ones have a better perspective as by putting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work they can rely on themselves
rather
than anyone else or their fate.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Give reason and examples. v. 161 v. 85

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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