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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v. 137 v.61

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 137 v. 61
Some people think that acceptance behaviour of difficult as an unexpected career or miserable living condition is better while others approve that they should make the attempt to overcome life's obstacles. From my perspective, I strongly believe that people who live with the endeavour will have a more valuable contribution. On the one hand, a group of people is content with their current bad situation and do not want to overthrow although they are young. In fact, they fear the worst and new challenges so they do not change their constant lives. For instance, some people accept an unsatisfactory job with a heavy workload or a boring job instead of job-hopping. Because the do not want to renounce various perks namely sick leave, a generous retirement package or yearly bonuses. And they feel hard to adapt to a new workplace. Moreover, this type of people usually gains hugely financial burdens as bank debt or monthly expenditure on their children. On the other hand, it is needless to say that lots of optimistic people who always expand their abilities and never give up. Therefore, their attempts not only help them progress their living conditions but also improve their mental health. More specifically, the working environment or low financial status is the most popular reason for depression and stress in the youth. Hence, enhancing the negative situation would reduce the number of mental health disorders, including depression, personality disorders, psychotic disorders. In conclusion, though others suggest that it is best to stand a deficient situation, I think that people should improve every state, whether job or living-related or otherwise to provide themselves with a greater sense of fulfilment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that acceptance
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of difficult as an unexpected career or miserable living condition is better while others approve that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the attempt to overcome life's obstacles. From my perspective, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
will have a more valuable contribution.

On the one hand, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is content with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation and do not want to overthrow although they are young. In fact, they fear the worst and new challenges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept an unsatisfactory job with a heavy workload or a boring job
instead
of job-hopping.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'do' is correct. If 'do' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the do
not want to renounce various perks
namely
sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, a generous retirement package or yearly bonuses. And they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to adapt to a new workplace.
Moreover
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
gains
hugely
financial burdens as bank debt or monthly expenditure on their children.

On the other hand
, it is needless to say that lots of optimistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who always expand their abilities and never give up.
Therefore
, their attempts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them progress their living conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health. More
specifically
, the working environment or low financial status is the most popular reason for depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the youth.
Hence
, enhancing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situation would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of mental health disorders, including depression, personality disorders, psychotic disorders.

In conclusion
, though others suggest that it is best to stand a deficient situation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
every state, whether job or living-related or
otherwise
to provide themselves with a greater sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 137 v. 61

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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