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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v.47

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 47
According to some human beings, it is the finest way to accept a work which is unsatisfactory, while others think that it is necessary to develop and try to find a remedy for such kind of situations. There exist some reasons for these conditions that will be shown in this essay. Firstly, having some social and political problems in some countries people could not find a proper work in order to make a living. The reason of not finding a proper work causes to admit an unsatisfactory activity, because there does not exist any other suitable and advisable opportunities for the people. Furthermore, some people prefer to choose an activity with low income due to their capabilities. Choosing the best and powerful job may cause people to have some difficulties in their works because of the important demands of the company. Other parts of people have thoughts that preventing such situations is so important. Working with the best company may develop their capabilities and either they can be successful in any job in the future. Not only they will be able to gain high and good salary for their successful works, but also it will be easy to make a living for them. In conclusion, these issues were always a problem for the society and also it exists at present, unfortunately. While some people prefer to choose an unsatisfactory job and are satisfied with it, others are keen on improving and being successful in their works. It is clear that some reasons, which we have discussed in this essay, cause people to admit such conditions. However, some of them disagree with these thoughts. Still common people have a hope that there will be some remedies for these issues in the future.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
human beings, it is the finest way to accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is unsatisfactory, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary to develop and try to find a remedy for such kind of situations. There exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for these conditions that will
be shown
in this essay.

Firstly
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social and political problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not find a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. The reason of not finding a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
causes to admit an unsatisfactory activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there does not exist any other suitable and advisable opportunities for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to choose an activity with low income due to their capabilities. Choosing the best and powerful job may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in their works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
demands of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Other parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have thoughts that preventing such situations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Working with the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may develop their capabilities and either they can be successful in any job in the future. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they will be able to gain high and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary for their successful works,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will be easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living for them.

In conclusion
, these issues were always a problem for the society and
also
it exists at present, unfortunately. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to choose an unsatisfactory job and
are satisfied
with it, others are keen on improving and being successful in their works. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which we have discussed in this essay, cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to admit such conditions.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them disagree with these thoughts.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hope that there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies for these issues in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 47

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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