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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.45

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 45
People faces different trials and challenges in their lives, including employment and financial problems. But instead of doing something to overcome those difficulties, some tend to just let the situation pass in their life and accept what comes in the way. This essay will discuss these arguments, but I strongly believe that thinking and working hard to make the situation better are the best things to do. It is understandable that many people around the world are in dire situation, living in war zone areas, places with epidemic outbreak and countries experiencing a drastic economic downturn. These conditions do not only affect their employment and finances, but also their overall health and well-being caused by severe trauma and stress. It may seem cruel to suggest that they should find ways to improve their lives when their condition appears extremely helpless. As a result, they just accept what might happen to them in every day that comes ahead. On the other hand, it is notable that even in the most impossible situation, there are still many stories to tell about amazing people who strived to make their lives better in spite of their hopeless condition. In addition to that, even the countries devastated by wars and territorial conflicts, like Germany, Japan and South Korea, yet they are all considered currently as economic powerhouses. By not accepting their situation, they were able to progress and survive. Moreover, the efficacy of their people individually who work hard reflected the overall success of their countries. In my opinion, when a person work hard and strive, even during the most difficult situation, a small step will still make a difference. Being optimistic and with a positive attitude, this will eventually make progress towards improving their lives and achieving the goal.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trials and challenges in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, including employment and financial problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
instead
of doing something to overcome those difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tend to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
pass in their life and accept what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the way. This essay will discuss these arguments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that thinking and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
better are the best things to do.

It is understandable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are in dire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, living in war zone areas, places with epidemic outbreak and countries experiencing a drastic economic downturn. These conditions do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect their employment and finances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
overall
health and well-
being caused
by severe trauma and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It may seem cruel to suggest that they should find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
when their condition appears
extremely
helpless.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accept what might happen to them
Did you mean "in everyday"?
in every day
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
ahead.

On the other hand
, it is notable that even in the most impossible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who strived to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their hopeless condition.
In addition
to that, even the countries devastated by wars and territorial conflicts, like Germany, Japan and South Korea,
yet
they are all considered
currently
as economic powerhouses. By not accepting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, they were able to progress and survive.
Moreover
, the efficacy of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
individually
who work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
reflected the
overall
success of their countries.

In my opinion, when a person work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and strive, even during the most difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
step will
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference. Being optimistic and with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude, this will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress towards improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and achieving the goal.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 45

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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