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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.43

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 43
An individual’s action in the present will determine his fate in the future. Some people believe that one should accept whatever unfavourable situations like poor working conditions or lack of funds, which may come along his/her way. Whereas, there is also a belief system which tries to break the earlier notion in pursuit of the betterment of the living conditions. Through the medium of this essay, I will discuss both the viewpoints and provide my personal opinion in the end. There are people, who continue to cling on to the unpleasant situations in their lives with just a ray of hope that perhaps one fine day their situation will change. For example, I have a friend named Ashok, who is a very bright and intelligent person, but he is utterly dissatisfied with his working conditions at the bank as his boss is very abusive. However, he is not willing to leave his position or seek a transfer as he believes that some day his problems will be solved automatically. In another case, there are people in this world, who are not willing to sacrifice their definition of an ideal life and they strive to change things around them to make lives better for themselves. For example, another friend of mine named Vilas, who was in a similar situation under the grip of a very rude and abusive boss, but he resigned and searched better job for himself as he couldn’t have worked there just by staying silent and obeying to his cruel superior. Although none of the above mentioned methods are completely correct, In my opinion, people should take calculated steps and analyze the entire situation before following any of the above mentioned steps in order to make their respective lives more meaningful
An individual’s action in the present will determine his fate in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that one should accept whatever
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
like poor working conditions or lack of funds, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along his/her way.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, there is
also
a belief system which tries to break the earlier notion in pursuit of the betterment of the living conditions. Through the medium of this essay, I will discuss both the viewpoints and provide my personal opinion in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continue to cling on to the unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a ray of hope that perhaps one fine day their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, I have a friend named Ashok,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
bright and intelligent person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is
utterly
dissatisfied with his working conditions at the bank as his boss is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
abusive.
However
, he is not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
his position or seek a transfer as he believes that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day his problems will
be solved
automatically
.

In another case, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not willing to sacrifice their definition of an ideal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
things around them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better for themselves.
For example
, another friend of mine named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vilas
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was in a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
under the grip of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rude and abusive boss,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he resigned and searched better job for himself as he couldn’t have worked there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by staying silent and obeying to his cruel superior.

Although none of the above mentioned methods are completely correct, In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take calculated steps and analyze the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
following any of the above mentioned steps in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their respective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more meaningful
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 43

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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