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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. v.37

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. v. 37
The rise in the scandalous rate in the past decade has fuelled public worries about the rapidly declining safety of their community. Some people take the position that little can be done to prevent themselves from victimization. As opposed to this general pessimism, many people, however, maintain that in combating felony, people should adopt a proactive approach. I support both viewpoints. The first point to support this is that the government can increase intervention, including launching anti-crime public campaigns, enforcing new laws, and providing education. A civilized society is often typified by a high literacy rate and low crime rate. The negative relationship between these two parameters implies that one will be away from a life of crime if given access to education. Another method relies on the combination of imposing tougher laws and training a more effective police force. Not only does it penalise offenders, but it also deters prospective criminals. Moreover, the government can capitalise on the mass media throughout the country to alert the public to the threat of crime, and teach citizens self-defence techniques. For individual citizens, many crimes can be nipped in the bud, if they keep vigilant at crimes and are brave enough to fight back. It is particularly in most cases, where burglars break into houses without an alarm system, and shoplifters often target those shops that are not under the surveillance of security camera. In simple terms, it is people’s negligence that cause they fall prey to the criminals. On the other occasions, criminals are pampered by people’s cowardice. If they possessed courage to chase the criminals or at least report to the police on crime, there would be fewer victims. To tackle crime, as indicated above, requires the commitment of nearly all members of society, from the government to ordinary citizens. Although, there might not be a great deal one can do to prevent crimes from occurring, it is not entirely helpless. Solutions exist somewhere always, but wait to be practiced and found.
The rise in the scandalous rate in the past decade has fuelled public worries about the
rapidly
declining safety of their community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the position that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from victimization. As opposed to this general pessimism,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, maintain that in combating felony,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt a proactive approach. I support both viewpoints.

The
first
point to support this is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can increase intervention, including launching anti-crime public campaigns, enforcing new laws, and providing education. A civilized society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
typified by a high literacy rate and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
relationship between these two parameters implies that one will be away from a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
access to education. Another method relies on the combination of imposing tougher laws and training a more effective police force. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalise' is British English.
penalise
offenders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
deters prospective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'capitalise' is British English.
capitalise
on the mass media throughout the country to alert the public to the threat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and teach citizens
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
techniques.

For individual citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
can
be nipped
in the bud, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
vigilant at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and are brave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fight back. It is
particularly
in most cases
, where burglars break into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
without an alarm system, and shoplifters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
target those shops that are not under the surveillance of security camera. In simple terms, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
negligence that
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
fall prey to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. On the other occasions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are pampered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
cowardice. If they possessed courage to chase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
or at least report to the police on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, there would be fewer victims.

To tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, as indicated above, requires the commitment of
nearly
all members of society, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to ordinary citizens. Although, there might not be a great deal one can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
from occurring, it is not
entirely
helpless. Solutions exist somewhere always,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
wait to
be practiced
and found.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is best to try and improve such situations. v. 37

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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