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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. 3
Some would say that embracing issues like unhappiness at work or financial problems, is better than trying to mitigate such conditions. Despite the fact that hoping things to alleviate themselves would seem appropriate for several people, in this essay I shall attempt to argue that individuals need to act decisively to get difficulties over with in life. It is been said that accepting bad situations is the best way to rectify them, due to the fact that certain types of people tend to be passive when in these circumstances. Those who are influenced by their beliefs may not take action to improve situations, because they could consider that faith will get things back in track. For example, a research conducted by the University of Massachusetts revealed that, around 5% of the population believe that a superior power controls their life, and that they just have to wait until that figure tells them what way to follow. However, we are the architects of our own destiny, therefore, to mitigate problems, you have to fight them. On the other hand, there are individuals who consider that they have to act directly to transform tough issues. Those who are determined may have learn that nothing comes for free in life. Consequently, for obtaining something, you have to be hardworking. Take Carlos Slim, the famous Mexican Entrepreneur, as an example. He once said in an interview that, in order to become one of the richest men in the world, he had to deal with all kinds of issues, and he achieved that by being focused on what he needed to work on as a means to rectify his bad business decisions. In conclusion, although accepting complications may be suitable for some people according to their beliefs, this essay suggests that individuals should be actively involved in the alleviation of difficulties in order to overcome them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would say that embracing issues like unhappiness at work or financial problems, is better than trying to mitigate such conditions. Despite the fact that hoping things to alleviate themselves would seem appropriate for several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in this essay I shall attempt to argue that individuals need to act
decisively
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
difficulties over with in life.

It
is been
said that accepting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations is the best way to rectify them, due to the fact that certain types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be passive when in these circumstances. Those who
are influenced
by their beliefs may not take action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could consider that faith will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things back in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the University of Massachusetts revealed that, around 5% of the population believe that a superior power controls their life, and that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait until that figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
them what way to follow.
However
, we are the architects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
destiny,
therefore
, to mitigate problems, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight them.

On the other hand
, there are individuals who consider that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
act
directly
to transform tough issues. Those who
are determined
may have
Use past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
that nothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for free in life.
Consequently
, for obtaining something, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be hardworking. Take Carlos Slim, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Mexican Entrepreneur, as an example. He once said in an interview that, in order to become one of the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the world, he had to deal with all kinds of issues, and he achieved that by
being focused
on what he needed to work on as a means to rectify his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
business decisions.

In conclusion
, although accepting complications may be suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
according to their beliefs, this essay suggests that individuals should be
actively
involved in the alleviation of difficulties in order to overcome them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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