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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. 2
There is a difference of opinion on how unpleasant situations should be handled. While a number of individuals argue that accepting a negative circumstance is better, I am of the viewpoint that trying to change such circumstance is more beneficial than accepting the situation. Those who support the view that bad incidences should be accepted argue on the basis of religious belief. This is because they claim that majority of such happens as a result of the influence of a higher being. They argue that such states should be accepted as this prepares us for better events. A man who believes in a supreme being and recently lost his job, for instance, would rather than search for a job claim everything happens for a reason because he believes a higher power would eventually provide a job when the time is right. However, I would argue that some events such as lack of finance, unsatisfactory job, or toxic relationships should be improved for one’s mental state. This implies that an unpleasant event of situation happening in one’s life has serious implications on their mental health leading to increase rate of depression and psychosis. Take for example, a research carried out by the World Health Organization, in 2018 revealed that about 75% of patients with depression had some sort of negative event happening in their lives at the time they experienced depression. However, this figure was said to have reduced significantly immediately after such situations were changed. Hence, if most situations are tackled with determination this would lead to the decrease rate of depression, which in turn leads to decrease in sucidal rates. In conclusion, while a lot of people tend to argue that unpleasant states should be accepted as this is from a higher source, I believe that most negative circumstances should be changed as this improves mental health and decreases sucidal rates within the community.
There is a difference of opinion on how unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
should
be handled
. While a number of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that accepting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstance is better, I am of the viewpoint that trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
such circumstance is more beneficial than accepting the situation.

Those who support the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
incidences should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
on the basis of religious belief. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they claim that majority of such happens
as a result
of the influence of a higher being. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that such states should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as this prepares us for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who believes in a supreme being and recently lost his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
for instance
, would
rather
than search for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
claim everything happens for a reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he believes a higher power would
eventually
provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when the time is right.

However
, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as lack of finance, unsatisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, or toxic relationships should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
for one’s mental state.
This implies that
an unpleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
happening in one’s life has serious implications on their mental health leading to increase rate of depression and psychosis. Take
for example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out by the World Health Organization, in 2018 revealed that about 75% of patients with depression had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
happening in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at the time they experienced depression.
However
, this figure
was said
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
immediately after such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
Hence
, if most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
are tackled
with determination this would lead to the decrease rate of depression, which in turn leads to decrease in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucidal
rates.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argue
that unpleasant states should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as this is from a higher source, I believe that most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
mental health and decreases
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucidal
rates within the community.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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