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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions. v.16

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 16
There is no doubt that nowadays so many people are living a measurable life for their job or lack of money. Though it is believed by several people that accepting such a condition is a good idea. On the contrary, some dispute that such situation should be upgraded. I personally believe that it is better to avoid such dreadful condition by not accepting it. It is true that everyone has to face rough moments in their job life. Sometimes the recruiters are not willing to pay them sufficient salary. Often they are given a lot of tasks to do which put so much pressure on them. They can't handle that pressure too. Comparing with that type of state, most of the time they do not get the desired salary which makes them even more depressed. Therefore, they remain short of money, which makes their life difficult. However, for the sake of the development of one's career, some guys prefer to deal with that. They admit that once a job is gone, it is hard to get a new one. That will increase their suffering even more. So they give themselves consolation & remain satisfied with what they have. On the other hand, another group considers to take necessary steps for the betterment of this form of the condition. They think they deserve better than what they get in exchange for their labour. That's why they want to get rid of that by taking crucial steps to go forward in their life. If anyone is meritorious enough, then he can prove his worth anywhere in the world sooner or later. To conclude, it is obvious that if someone is not satisfied with his job & whatever he earns, it does not help to keep him happy in his personal life. In that case, it is a better approach to attempt to change that state rather than accepting it in life.
There is no doubt that nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living a measurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or lack of money.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
it
is believed
by several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that accepting such a condition is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dispute that such situation should
be upgraded
. I
personally
believe that it is better to avoid such dreadful condition by not accepting it.

It is true that everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face rough moments in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the recruiters are not willing to pay them sufficient salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tasks to do which put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much pressure on them. They can't handle that pressure too. Comparing with that type of state, most of the time they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired salary which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them even more depressed.
Therefore
, they remain short of money, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficult.
However
, for the sake of the development of one's career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guys prefer to deal with that. They admit that once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is gone
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a new one. That will increase their suffering even more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they give themselves consolation & remain satisfied with what they have.

On the other hand
, another group
The verb 'considers' is used with the gerund form: "considers taking".
considers to take
necessary steps for the betterment of this form of the condition. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they deserve better than what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in exchange for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. That's why they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of that by taking crucial steps to go forward in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If anyone is meritorious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, then he can prove his worth anywhere in the world sooner or later.

To conclude
, it is obvious that if someone is not satisfied with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
& whatever he earns, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
him happy in his personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In that case
, it is a better approach to attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that state
rather
than accepting it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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